Anyone got a circus for me to join??? I have experience!!
My DH's newest thing is to call me a dumb@##. He's been doing it all week (new thing for him) and its starting to REALLY piss me off. Last night we were laying in bed just talking (it had been a really good day for us) and we disagreed on a topic. I mentioned that I had just read about it in a magazine and told him what it said. He was like "your arguing with me again, dumb@##. I asked him to please stop calling me that, I didn't like it. He then went on to tell me that I called him that so he could call me that....I have NEVER called him that (I know because I am very careful not to and always have been careful not to, I reserve that name for someone who REALLY deserves it...my ex-husband). He then went on to tell me "you told someone that I was being a dumb@##". I asked him when I did it and he said "when we lived in XYZ town"... ummm that was 5 years ago!!!! So hes holding something against me that I don't remember doing and really don't think I did (things were still good with us when we lived there). So when I expressed that I hadn't called him that at any point in the recent past and in fact I didn't remember EVER calling him that he just said "yeah it would be better if I just called you a bitch", then he turned over and went to sleep.
This morning he was fine, but my son (ADHD and 16) was being a complete pain in the ass! Not a good day!
I apologize for all the posts recently..Im just really frustrated!! I thought things were going in a positive direction, I thought I had made some positive choices in myself and I am finding that nothing is as it seemed. Thanks all of you for letting me vent and your thoughtful comments. ~~HUGS~~
Circus experience :)
Submitted by YYZ on
I have some of that experience too :D
Name calling is not good. My DW and I have the same boundaries in this regard. I know for a fact that neither one of us would put up with that for more than a few rare occurances. Your example is a particularly belittling example. Like you said, I use that one for the people who deserve it, and not on any loved ones.
Hang in there and don't put up with the name calling!
YYZ
Boundries???
Submitted by needsalifeline on
All our boundaries seem to have gone out the window. I set them and he doesn't just step over them, he takes a running leap! I just am REAALLY confused as to the name calling, again he seems like he is in a parallel universe because although I have done some particularly dumb things, in the past 6 years we have been together, calling him names isn't one of them. We seem to be in a severe downward spiral, I cant even talk to him about something positive with out him telling me "I really don't care" or asking me "why are you bothering me".
Add in my son acting up and I would just love to crawl in a hole and not come out!!!
From my own personal
Submitted by SherriW13 on
From my own personal experience, your son acting up would not be as big of an issue for you to handle if it weren't for everything else. My daughter and I fight a lot less since my epiphany...and I knew all along that my agrivation level was adding to our problems to begin with.
As for the name calling...I have been called things such as "psycho" and "crazy" and "b!t(h" and worse during BAD fights, but never just in general conversation. I think this is a defensive move. Maybe he realized you were right and instead of saying something mature like "really? I would be interested in reading that article because I have always assumed it was this other way" he has to deflect, make you seem stupid, make it look like your fault because you may have called him that 5 years ago, make you regret arguing with him, and end the conversation in a way that makes him feel in control and like he won, even if he didn't win the argument, he still 'won' by beating you down. I think I would just directly call him on it "You know, there is a chance that my point may just have some validity so I really am not sure why you feel the need to start name calling when I am simply discussing something with you. It is rude and really has no basis. I do not wish to further discuss this with you" I KNOW it feels so very personal, but 95% of me feels this is him and a direct reflection of how he feels about himself and furthermore a direct DEFLECTION to avoid having to say "maybe I was wrong". It is insane...you know it is insane...so stop letting it hurt you like this. I say to myself, and amazingly enough it really helps, "that there is Mr. ADHD" when my DH is being a hugely insensitive cad (such as the recent ER visit) and just let it go. There is no battle...there is no winning...everyone loses when you fight or argue with Mr. ADHD.