Really miserable and struggling

I have been with my ADHD husband for 6 years, married for 2. He was diagnosed about a year into our marriage. We have a 9 month old baby and I am seriously contemplating divorce. 

He has been a lot of fun, and can be very caring. He can also be incredibly selfish, neglectful and aggressive. He has hit me when I was 38 weeks pregnant, threatened to punch me and been verbally abusive. He has no self-esteem and I am in constant battle with his ego. 

He is getting help now and on medication, but after everything I have been through with him (including infidelity on his part), I no longer feel I love him and I definitely do not respect him. He is far less angry and no longer verbally abusive, but I still can't communicate with him. He is defensive and belligerent and insists that regardless of how he speaks to me, I should listen when he says he doesn't mean it. 

Can anyone give me tips on communicating or hope? Has anyone come back from the brink? I've spoken to his psychologist who says I need to be more flexible - that if he is cussing and screaming to just let him do it, and if he insists on holding the baby in the bath in one hand and a hot coffee in the other, I should just let him do it his way. I'm really frustrated at that kind of advice because I don't want to live with that.

if I didn't have a baby with him, I would definitely have filed for divorce already. Even though we always had problems, after I got pregnant, our relationship really deteriorated very badly.