So this is nothing new to any of us who post here, I'm not looking for solutions, I just had to get this out. I bought the oldest son (19) Apple Air Pods for Christmas and DH thought they were cool and wanted some. That's fine--he makes a decent salary, we both got a fair bonus, he can take calls on them instead of his bluetooth, fine. So I stopped on the way home from work today at the Apple store by our house and bought them (they were out of stock for a while). I called him walking back to my car after purchasing the Air Pods and said I just picked up your Air Pods, I am on my way home, what are you up to? He was picking up the younger son from track. Okay good, see you in a few. He says okay, so you're just leaving school then? Um...I just picked up your Air Pods...that you said thank you for...that you were excited to have...like three minutes ago I said this. I get home before him, they are sitting on the desk, he comes home maybe 30 minutes after me, sees them, says OH COOL, where did you get them? Oh my good lord--I just cannot even stand it some days. This is nothing new to any of us that are here regularly, sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks how many deficits he has and how little attention is paid to anything. But then I did a bad thing. When he said where did you get them I just looked at him and he said WHAT??? I called you when I was walking back to my car from the store and told you I had picked them up and you said thank you--that was like 45 minutes ago--how do you not remember that??? And he got so mad. I tried to talk about it in a reasonable way but that did not go well. I said listen, I am saying this out of concern--he has not had his hearing checked and he really needs to, I said I am concerned and he was having none of it. I said what if you did this kind of thing at work--that's what I worry about. He says people would tell him. I doubt that, but whatever. I should know better by now--why did I even try to talk about it?? He went storming out to get gas but wanted to say something and said never mind, I won't say it. I am sure it was some version of "you forget things too". How is it different when we forget things like normal people and our ADHD people forget things? To me it's the sheer volume of what is forgotten and how quickly, like within minutes sometimes, and how little remorse there is about that. Remorse is probably too strong a word--I don't know what word I am looking for. I too forget things but I will preface a statement that I suspect I may have already said or a question I already asked with a disclaimer, like "I am so sorry, I am sure you already told me this and it fell out of my brain--can you tell me again??" but with DH there is none of that--it's the instant defensiveness that is tough to live with. With my 8th graders I joke with them--I tell them if I repeat myself please tell me because I don't want to be that person and they will kind of shyly raise their hands if I launch into something and I will stop and say--did I already say this and they all nod vigorously and I say so you don't want to hear my spiel again?!?!! But at least have some humor and humility about it, don't act like it's everyone else's problem, you know.
Do I sound petty and lame???