Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago, but I'm yet to be treated. I'm 32.
My life has been filled with turbulent relationships, particularly romantic relationships.
Early this year I met an incredible partner online and we subsequently met in person, even though we were in a long-distance relationship. I had already been seeking answers to my troubles in life for a few years and was on an ADHD diagnosis waiting list when we met. We quickly came to understand that we were both sufferers, which drew us close. I have had many short and sharp dates and relationships where the other person cannot handle my ADHD symptoms, most notably my seeming inattention. So I felt understood and that I could unmask myself a little more than with anyone else when I knew she had an understanding of my issues.
Prior to this, I had been speaking online with another woman who I was close with, but for many reasons (including regularly investigating my social media for interactions with any women, however innocuous) was hot and cold for over a year. We never met because I didn't feel comfortable meeting. Unfortunately, I did not cut these ties when I met the ADHD partner, for reasons I'm not totally clear on. Perhaps I desired positive reinforcement.
My new partner that I have been so happy to be with found out that I had been speaking with this woman, as she contacted her after seeing my interactions on social media.
I'm totally devastated that I have hurt people with my actions and broken the trust of someone who I care deeply about, and have probably lost my relationship with her. I'm ashamed and angry at myself I feel that I don't have control over such simple things as ending the conversation with someone who I don't even wish to communicate with anymore. I wanted to commit to my new relationship but somehow still managed to damage it.
I feel like maybe I'm just a bad person and using ADHD as an excuse.
I'm confused about myself and what causes me to sabotage myself like this?
Sounds like this could have happened to anyone
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
From your account, it sounds like an honest mistake rather than an ADHD thing. In being "too nice," I have often stayed in casual (non romantic) contact with people rather than cut them off. I don't know what your partner saw or heard that was concerning though. If you were still flirting or speaking as though there was a romantic connection, I can understand her feelings. There probably isn't a lot of coming back from that. But if the contact was innocent, maybe your partner will rethink it and chat it out with you further once she's had a chance to sit with it.