Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

My wife is ADHD and cycles through the mood swings of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This condition has devastated our marriage and ruined our intimacy life. I have come to dread the weekends, because I never know what will trigger the RSD episodes. RSD is a self-fulfilling prophecy so to speak. The more she rages about the lack of sex, and makes me feel put down and humiliated, the less I want it with her. We are in our 60's and our sex life has been few and far between. Early in our marriage sex was fun and spontaneous, but now it's a constant point of contention and the spark rarely happens. For me, the problem is in the relationship too … the day to day stuff outside the bedroom. She wants romantic times, but never ever does one thing to provide them. She is a rather thoughtless person in that regard, and has no clue how to be romantic towards me. It never comes 'at me.' We only figured out that she was ADHD about 15 months ago, after I read 'The ADHD Effect on Marriage.' Ten thousand bells and whistles went off in my head about her family and upbringing (a family of total slobs, in the housework sense) and she discussed it with her mother and it was confirmed that both of her brothers were diagnosed as ADHD when they were young, a fact we didn't know. They didn't get treated because she "didn't want them to take pills." I'm 99% sure her deceased father was ADHD, I knew him well. ADHD (ADD) was a 'boy thing' back then too often. The signs in girls often escaped notice. If I had known early in my marriage what I was dealing with I could have coped better. She agrees that she's "on the spectrum" (her words) but refuses to see a professional so far. The RSD episodes come out of the blue. The triggers are somewhat predictable. For example she'll watch a show with steamy sex or intense romance, 30 minutes later I'm on the defensive being called names. These episodes in turn make me never want to touch her — that's the self-fulfilling prophecy bit. It's the total irrationality of it that's frustrating for me. The 'black and white' thinking, everything is 'always or never' … the communication can never be achieved because of the rigidity of her thoughts and emotions. Sexual and intimate feelings are just about dead for me, which is sad because it should be a solid part of any marriage. I'm sad looking back on it all, I'm sad I feel helpless to solve it. It is way beyond my "expertise." I barely know what people are even talking about when they discuss sex and intimacy in marriage. I married at age 29 and don't even know what it's 'supposed' to feel like to be married, even at this late age.