recent diagnosis

Hi i am 26 and my partner was last week diagnosed with adhd after struggling with it his whole life. His relationship with his mother has also broken down. I am so relieved to be on the way for him to be getting help but i think i need help myself. I know he cant help leaving the lid off the milk, being extremely messy, stressed,angry and all the other adhd traits which drive me around the bend. We have been together for three years but i still nag at him or should i say niggle at all the little details he misses like leaving drawers open and not wiping the side down when he has messily made a drink of tea. I constantly try to bite my lip but i struggle doing so and really need advice on this. I just don't know what to do and i don't want to put extra strain on the relationship when we have come so far already xx
carathrace's picture

the little things

Hi Robyn, welcome to this forum, and welcome to the wacky world of ADHD.... well, you've been living in it for some time, but now you know what it's called.  Since you and your partner only found out about it last week, you probably haven't had much time to read yet, but that's what I think is the first thing to do.  Melissa's book is the best one around.  Maybe you two could read it out loud to each other or something -- it would give you a lot to talk about together.

The accumulation of all the little things ADHD spouses forget to do can turn into a big heavy chunk of anger & frustration, seems like you know this from experience.  In my opinion, there's the hill you want to die on, and then there's the rest of the stuff.  By that I mean some things just aren't worth having a fight over....but some are.  What you and your partner need is a way to communicate safely about the little things and the big ones.  So my advice is, first read everything you can about ADHD & relationships, second find a counselor for the both of you, who has experience with ADHD and can help you communicate.