I am a 41 year old female married for 19 years, i have not been diagnosed officially, and my husband has been committing financial and emotional abuse the entire time, and deception takes two. I can tell you the whole story from my slanted view, but i really need help with what he just did yesterday.
I wrote him another long letter explaining how he is keeping bills and information about our finances out of my reach, i wrote a list of things we needed to do to get out of debt. the last two on the list went in this order. 9. if i feel that you are currently deceiving me, omitting withholding information, ect that I will leave. Our trash guy didnt pick up the trash that day, he told me he paid them 2 weeks ago, it was a mixup at their office, that they would pick it up the next day. We sat up till midnight, made a list of financial goals had some great sex after weeks of anger and resentment, and we went to bed.
So as the afternoon dragged on the next day, i realized the trash was still out, so i called them. I was so embarrassed, ya he paid the minimum over a month ago, our account is past due, the bill is due every other month. So its not even that hard to keep track of.
He lied about something so trivial, and he fully had the opportunity to tell me the night before, while we were being honest?
Oh and by the way he has done this to me over and over again, we have been bankrupt, evicted with a newborn, left rent due and bills from the town that we left for his "new start."
How did I let this happen? Its a slow death, you start out telling them over and over, then your end up obsessed with trying to fix them, then you forget yourself and your own needs to deal with constant chaos. I always smoked pot, its helped so much with the adhd, but for a time I was using it to cover up my feelings of hopelessness and numb out the needs I was never going to get. It is a horrible cycle i got caught in for far to long. His financial lies has led to me avoiding doctors, he always works for small companies, and he has let medical bills pile up to where both our credit scores are shot. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 9 years, and my mental issues have went through the roof, at one point i actually believed I was manic or bi-polar. He doesnt take care of me emotionally, he enables me and avoids dealing with our relationship issues. He has always been a very, very nice guy. After he screws up he goes into fix it mode, all of a sudden he is looking up finance and marital things on the web and expects my full support.
So what happens is I take over the finances, I get everything in order and make a plan. A few months into it, i get sick, or I get a phone call, bill, my period hits, or i find information that he has omitted, I have another mental breakdown, I mean he informed me in the hospital while holding my son, that we had no place to live. that was 2010. I finally realized i have adhd, i cant keep the house up, I feel like I have to worry about everything by myself, and I cant get better in this environment. But im completely broken at this point and need counciling and help to clear my head from this shame and guilt I feel for allowing the deception..
I feel I am not strong enough emotionally, or financially to leave, on top of that they guy I am describing, only I know. Everyone else thinks my husband is this great guy married to a crazy lady, poor guy. I have no one to go to, and I grew up with functioning abusivie alcoholic parents. So I was literally trained for this type of relationship, before I even met him. I have always been insightful, but with add thats as far as it goes. The one thing I have to do is get in to see a doctor about my adhd, I think with a small amount of medicine, huge improvements could happen. He is awake now with that sad look on his face, here we go again. Anyone who can relate please tell me what I should do? I cant find a single adhd woman on here who's husband might also have add, and what to do if its making you want to end your life.