The repercussions.

I just had to write this down in a place where others might understand. 

I still keep in touch with my ex's kids and/or their wives.  They were pretty confused when we broke up and we had been close so we wanted to try to still be friends.  Sadly, the repercussions of my ex's behavior are still affecting the people around him even though he and I are over.  

The other night I had his oldest son, his wife and kids over for dinner and his son told me that he was trying to work through the anger he felt toward his father and the loss he feels now that I am no longer around.   He is flabbergasted as to why his father would have bailed out on me after 5 years together and after how integrated I was into the family.  He's sad because I was there for the birth of his first child, his wedding, holidays, and other life events.... and he's upset that I won't be there anymore.   His wife feels the same.   She had wanted me to attend their baby shower shortly after the breakup and of course I couldn't go.  Instead I sent along a gift and we meet up every few months so that I can see them and the grandchildren. 

Of course I told them that I loved them and that I would do my best to always be in their lives, as long as they wanted me to be.   But damnit if this isn't all just so heartbreaking.  And now my ex is seeing someone new and in just three short months he has already started introducing her to his family.  I'm just sitting here shaking my head.  It's been less than a year since he and I split up not one thing about his situation has changed.  He is still not divorced from his estranged wife, his finances are still a disaster, he does not have steady employment or healthcare, and the house is still full of junk and falling apart.  Additionally his daughter and her husband have lived at his house for the past three years with no intention of moving out anytime soon.  Meanwhile, he continues to run around ignoring everything.

I am trying very hard to move on with my own life and not concern myself with what he is doing but I cannot help but worry for his kids.  I grew to love them over the time when we were together and I know they're adults but the desire to protect them from potential pain is really difficult to deal with.  I can't help but worry about what happens if they get close to this new person and then that falls apart too once the curtain is pulled back on his mess...  Or what if they close themselves off to protect themselves from the possibility of losing someone important again, which is equally sad in it's own way.  Their mom and dad's marriage fell apart, and then our relationship... and now it's like I can see the train coming down the tracks again.

Sigh.  Thank you for listening.