Repression issue

My ADHD husband is very bored / annoyed / irritated to listen to me when I talk about ordinary house stuff ( not interesting for him, because it's boring , not what his current interest is on) , when tried ( dropped that  by now) to engage him in helping me with house things I absolutely cannot fix myself he'd get defensive, justifying lack of action in the past and often blame me for himself not getting done what he was supposed to. You would think I aggressively approached him with criticism. NO. I mention something like " would be nice to fix the door before winter so kids are warmer " in as few words as possible, then switch to offering him something nice , like coffee and leave him alone. I'm far from monster he perceives me as. When I try to talk to him about addressing our relationship troubles he gets very defensive, blames me for EVERYTHING that went wrong in that area and quickly escalates into RAGE. That scares me to death. So attempts dropped here too. 
He's in absolute denial. Refuses to even read on the topic. 
this is why in feeling REPRESSED. We aren't talking almost at all. I'm there to listen to him talking about what he cares and that pleases him for sure. I'm not talking myself and that pleases him as well - finally WIFE- DISTRACTION is eliminated, while other wife functions are still executed. Good for him. But I more and more see myself as a horse from that joke where someone taught the horse to live without eating. He almost succeeded but  horse unexpectedly died. 
im taught to live without communication and I'm almost unexpectedly:( dead inside as well. 
I heard the advice to look for friends and talk to them. 
BUT is there way to get through HIS wall of ADHD and denial and be heard and welcomed to share deep conversations about things that matter - us as couple for example. Friends and husband are not same , that's just not interchangeable, like food and water...