Do any of you ever find that your ADD spouse remembers conversations incorrectly, and then becomes upset when things don't work out how they remembered it should? It happens so often in my house that I sometimes feel as though I'm being "gaslighted". The only way I can see to prevent the problem is to record (either digitally or handwritten) every major conversation we have - but then I fear DH becoming defensive ("What do you mean, you've been keeping track?")
Example: on Monday we had family coming over for dinner. DH doesn't work and was home all day working on some projects and making a general mess of the kitchen. When I came home from work there were two piles of newspaper pages on the kitchen table. I started cleaning up in prep for our company, since they were due just minutes after I arrived home and no prep work had been done on cleaning all day. I pointed at a stack predominately made up of newspaper articles: "Are you done with these?" "No, still have to go through those." Then, to the other stack predominately of coupons and coupon inserts to the paper: "How about these?" "Yeah." I thought it was strange, because he's more of a coupon-clipper than an article reader, so to be sure, I pointed again at the coupons and said: "You're done with THESE? The coupons?" "Yes."
And so they were thrown away, and the article stack was put on a buffet table in the kitchen so we could eat at the table. Now here it is on Thursday, I'm at work, and I receive a text from DH: "What did you do with all the coupons from Sunday's paper. I found the rest of the paper sitting on the table in the kitchen." I replied and told him that they were thrown away, and reminded him of our conversation. "That's backwards. I needed the coupons and didn't need the rest of the stack. I said I hadn't gone through the coupons yet." So I told him, "Yes, I thought it was odd, so I remember even asking to clarify a second time about the coupons."
...and, no response. He'll be upset today when I get home from work and make at least two "digs" at me for throwing away his coupons. Yes, I'll admit I am a neat freak (and this is NOT easy when married to an ADD-er) and I have a habit of stashing clutter in strange places (hide it in a cabinet, in a desk drawer, etc) when company is coming over and I'm at a breaking point with clutter all over the house. But I've NEVER thrown away an item of his, and I've never lied to him.
This is not uncommon. If I try to ask him a question while he's doing something (playing a game on his phone, working on a hobby project, looking in the fridge for someone to eat - whatever, really) he'll answer and then not remember it at all the next day. Or, we'll have a conversation and two days later he remembers it completely incorrectly (things said that weren't, weren't said that were, etc.) When we're inevitably fighting about it later, he sticks to his guns so intensely that I find myself doubting my own recollection - which is ridiculous! If I bring up something solid/confirmable to prove I'm right, he shuts down: "Well, whatever."
Have any of you dealt with this? How do you handle it? If I start keeping a log/journal about this, he'll become incredibly defensive, but he clearly doesn't trust my recollection as is.