Rules

I recognize that I am now full-on using this site as a therapeutic tool. Apologies to George for using these boards as a personal journal. As I've said elsewhere something about a journal is just incredibly annoying to me. The concept of writing things down for no audience but myself just seems ridiculous. Perhaps I love the tenor of my own prose, but only if it is available for public viewing. Vanity.

Anyway this thread will be rules popping into my head. My hope is that the act of documenting them here will not only impress them upon my consciousness with more significance, but also be a record to refer back to. Checking to see if any of these have fallen by the wayside should be a regular task of mine.

1

Go to sleep when my wife does.

I've been doing this over the past month or two, and I don't miss the activity I did after she went to bed. I feel better during the day. The only exceptions have been and should be for IT work off-hours, which is relatively light with the current crop of projects. If I'm honest I haven't really tried to affect this change, and I think the greater chances of making love have a little bit to do with the random adoption of this habit.

carathrace's picture

#1 is holy at our house

Glad you discovered this, Jack.  I think it will help your situation.  I think I've said elsewhere that my hubby would regularly stay up til all hours on the computer, he said it helped calm his mind, but it was deadly to our relationship.  This was a hill I decided I would die on, it was that important to me.  It took awhile to get through to him but he now goes to bed same time as me.  It's vital to the success of our relationship.

Going to bed together

You are right about this, carathrace.  From day one of our marriage, dh would fall asleep on the couch in front of the tv rather than go to bed with me.  I would gently wake him to come to bed with me but he would not move.  I would pull on him to come to bed with me but he would literally fight me to not have to wake and get up to go to bed with me.  I would tell him and tell him that he needed to go to bed at night.  He just would not go to bed with me.  Yet, he was also an incessant "grabber" during the day and was always propositioning me at odd times.....like it was the danger of getting caught OR the conquering of me that was fun for him. A marriage IS sharing a bed at the same time and holding each other and talking, assuring each other of peace and harmony and togetherness.   I can say that I have never had that.  I have been blaming myself for our lack of intimacy and it is becoming more and more clear to me that I am not the fault. 

Our routine has been so

Our routine has been so hopelessly shattered over the past few weeks of vacations and trips that I've strayed from this to some degree. Still going to bed with her most nights, but for instance last night I stayed up to finish a movie we were watching. Need to keep on this.

I haven't kept up on this on

I haven't kept up on this on a consistent basis. Her going to bed is and should be enough of a reminder, but like with anything it is easy to rationalize or instantly dismiss. As useless as determination usually is, I'm not sure there's much else to do. Making an effort on this.

2

Exercise.

We have been going out of town and our normal schedule has been out the window the past few weeks. We haven't made it to the Y to work out in what seems like forever. All mental health diagnoses stress exercise as a significant reliever of symptoms. We need to get back into this and not let it die as a habit.

We went to the Y yesterday

We went to the Y yesterday afternoon. Laura took the kids to the outdoor pool, which is awesome. It has waterpark-style looping slides and splashpad-type sprayers. Basically a kid's perfect pool for R & E in their floaties. She stretched out to sunbathe poolside. She's all self-conscious about being a pound or two over 115 and got a one-piece "mommy suit" to cover... I don't know what. T went to the daycare place. I went to go work out as we usually do. 35 mins of cardio and my usual 11-machine circuit of weights just about killed me. Taking three weeks off from the gym is just murder. When I'm going regularly I do this without really any pain, and since I'd been upping the weight amounts slowly over the past few months the lifting was really tough. You always feel better afterwards though. I especially like the cardio because you just get on the elliptical, put on your headphones, close your eyes, blot out the rest of the world, and go to a zen place for half an hour. Hopefully we can get back into our routine.

Keep falling out of this

Keep falling out of this routine. Now that the kids do their swim and gymnastics classes on the same say there are fewer excuses to go work out, and with everything in one day we don't have time to work out anyway. Need to take the kids on Sundays and make some time earlyish in the week to go.

3

Fish Oil.

Because I've been on Buproprion for years, taking pills in the morning after my shower is effortless, and adding fish oil or any other medication is not any feat. I started taking some left in an old bottle a few weeks ago. Two in the morning. Remembering to take two at night is mostly hopeless. Elsewhere on the forum the grand drama of the fish oil pill purchase is documented, but those two bottles remain under the sink in the bathroom. Having looked online and having found that the price I paid was competitive, I'm just going to crack them open and start using them. Let's hope that doesn't start another war.