Rules and Quirks by ADD Spouse

Does anyone else deal with their spouse and their odd "requests"?  Example: my ADD husband will insist that we not open the large garage door and use the side door instead.  If one of us chooses to open the large garage door - he is instantly mad! For real!  Not this is not all of the time but once the topic comes up it may last for a day or two or more and then it disappears.  He insists on cleaning the toilet bowl with the old brush and liquid squirt bottle cleaner - never mind that I am the one that cleans the bathrooms - he will go in and "clean" the toilets after I have with his brush and cleaner - he insists that my disposable toilet cleaner heads are a waste and not to be used.  He will do this with other things as well.  He is obsessed with lights - he has bought so many lights ( little stick on lights, night lights for the hallways, a light for the basement, and is always looking for more little lights) and we already had night lights  through out the house - doesn't make any sense.   Or he will go rummaging through our cupboards and pull out whatever he finds and then leaves it lying on top of the counter - why????? And having to have 3 pairs of socks selected to wear and leaving them lying about - you will only wear one pair of socks that day so why have out 3 pairs and they are all the same color!? Leaving all of his things out on the vanity in the bathroom - shaving gear, deordorant, toothbrush, ect - others use this bathroom after him, does he not realize that he can put he stuff away and make room for the next person? 

Um....the only thing I can

Um....the only thing I can think is that he used to be adamant that we didn't come in the front door of the house for fear we'd let the dogs out. He has quirks....and some flat out frustrating.as.hell bad habits...but they bother me a lot less now that I don't hate the space he occupies with everything in my being. :-/

I don't pretend to understand his weird ways...his need to have all of his cigarette stuff (he makes his own to save money) in perfect order, but yet NOTHING else of his is in ANY kind of order...but I have learned to live with it...finally.

Sounds a bit familiar

My husband has OCD as well as ADHD and also had a similar thing with lights (we've been separated for months now), but instead of buying lights, his thing was turning off/ un-plugging them...and every other electrical device in the house.  While I understand that some appliances etc continue to draw energy even when turned off, his complusion was extreme.  If I left a room to use the bathroom...gone for only a minute mind you...I would come back to find everything turned off and disconnected.  Drove me crazy!  I had to reset the tv/vcr too many times to count.  All done, he said, to save money, yet another compulsion to go to the hardware store on an almost daily basis...and spend money...somehow didn't count.  Made no sense at all. 

Could be possible your husband also has OCD tendencies.  One thing is for sure...at least I know when I come out of the bathroom nowadays, I won't crash into the furniture in complete darkness.  :))

O-M-G I'm not CRAZY!! LOL

YES-YES-YES, my spouse has very similar quirky traits! He was so obsessed with light bulbs, night lights etc..., I started calling him "the illumination specialist"! ;-)

I'm thinking this compulsion behavior is definitely O.C.D. related. WOW.... 

Thank you for your replies! I

Thank you for your replies! I knew that I wasn't just imagining it all! Sometimes it feels as though what I see/notice is in the unreal world since my kids kind of brush it off and of course hubby thinks its GREAT!  I didn't think of the OCD connection - mainly because I think of that with cleaning - but I am going to bring it up with our counselor this week.  Truely, if it weren't for this website - I think I would have (1) lost my mind and (2) divorced my husband!  

YES!

My husband definitely has "quirks". LOL. My son with ADHD does as well. My husbands focuses are:

1. His items have to be in their places. His desk must be just so. His wallet has its spot, his keys, and his phone. Always in the same place.

2. The toilet paper MUST roll from the top. Non-negotiable (though he will fix it without comment if its not right)

3. The garbage can MUST be brought back from road by the end of the day on pick up day (its tacky to leave it, but its not tacky to leave furniture or anything else he has piled on the front porch there)

Etc....

I just overlook most of it because it doesn't really effect us. He doesn't make us comply with most. If it IS something he yells at us for or expects from us, I point out the problem with that.

My husband recently told me

My husband recently told me he feels a bit OCD when it comes to cleaning.  He is always cleaning the apartment (which is good and bad).  He says he feels like things always needs to be put away.  The good: our place always looks good.  When people come over, it looks neat and tidy.  The bad: he puts things away and then doesn't remember where he put it.  It's not like there's a certain place he puts things, they just go "away".  That gets very frustrating when I'm looking for something I knew I left on the couch.

The other things is piles.  He really likes to put things into piles - like mail and small stuff.  We have a mail organizer, but he won't use it, instead he puts things in piles and then puts them away somewhere.  I almost missed a bunch of bills because they were in a pile in the bedroom instead of the mail organizer (I have since started to pay everything online so I don't need the hard copy).

These are the only two that I can think of off the top of my head.  It can be frustrating, but with the exception of the bills, it's not really intolerable.  Every so often, I'll ask him where he put something and he'll rip up the place looking for it, but then "clean" again.  So, I've just learned to ask him, and then I don't get frustrated looking for it.  :)

yep, we've got them

My wife tells me I am high maintenance, a term I now despise because  it's hurtful to me.  ADD has a little OCD mixed in it.  I have little quirks too.  I hate having them, hate feeling like a weirdo, but, I find security and comfort in them.  With ADD, things are in chaos a lot, in our heads, and in reality.  Some rituals/quirks help me cope on some level.  I would suggest that you do him the favor of respecting his quirks, if they are within reason, and maybe counter offer some quirks of your own that he needs to respect.  If it were me, that would be way better than feeling like a high maintenance pain in the ass, which we do.  Who wants to feel like that?  Just a thought.

Great advice...quirks don't

Great advice...quirks don't bother me so much, unless they make MY life more complicated and don't serve any real purpose. Irritating? Yes...but do-able.

*note to self..never use the term 'high maintenance' to describe hubby again..blushes*

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Nope. Nothing routine here - Oh, I forgot one thing

My husband will not put dirty shirts in the laundry.  He insists he wants to wear them more than once - but never does.  He can not use anti-perspirant due to skin rash reactions, so it is impossible to wear his shirts more than once - even though he uses deodorant - perspiration on  the shirts smells bad.

I keep reminding him that his shirts smell after wearing them even if it is for a short time.  He still hangs them up.  Maddening.

Insight into weird compulsions

During a recent class with my Psych professor, the topic of OCD came up.  It was very interesting to hear that, during the interview process- they look for OCD traits for candidates for nursing.  She asked the class, "why do you think that nursing students tend to have OCD?"  The answer is that, (to some degree) it is commonly associated with high functioning (intelligent) people.  Subsequently, we went around the class naming weird quirks that we have.  I think that the OCD is more a byproduct of the type of person gets ADD, rather than a result of ADD itself.  For example, a person with hypertension is susceptible to having heart attack and kidney problems- that doesnt mean that the heart attack caused the kidney problems.  However, even though hypertension is the underlying cause, the two subsequent disorders that it causes do affect each other.  Obsessions result from having a lot of anxiety about something, the compulsion is what you do to remedy the anxiety.  So, I have a fear of being late, so I check the alarm settings five times and lay out my clothes the night before.  It just so happens, that my fear of being late revolves around confusion associated with attentions problems.