Hi all. I haven't posted here in a very long time. My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He has ADHD (inattentive, distracted, hyperactive, diagnosed as a child), which I knew about and understood when we first began dating. He is the love of my life. But I always knew it would a be a difficult relationship, I went in with my eyes open.
We've been to counseling during the rough times (which he's always willingly accepted) and has been on meds up until recently. Due to medication side effects he's not on ADHD meds any more, and I don't blame him, he went through hell, unfortunately. I won't go into our whole story, except to say that so much of it is echoed in what most other people post here.
In the past few years it's like something inside me is quietly fading away. When I dig down deep for something to help me through -- patience, resilience, understanding, commitment -- it's just not there. This scares me. I feel sad. How do I deal with him talking at me, talking over me, interrupting me -- everything but talking with me? I feel like I am expected to be a professional listener. This is affecting me to the point of wondering whether I should even bother to speak at all. How do I deal with seemingly reaching an understanding about something with him only to realize that the next day we must start all over again because he applied the information to yesterday only?????????? How do I deal with the hyper focusing on his latest interest, which leads him down a path that's going in the opposite direction from me????? Makes me feel like a bore -- like I am expected to be in the audience but not a participant. The level of companionship I need from my marriage is so far from what I need. It seems like just as I am about to suggest something that would bring some "togetherness" he is already out the door doing his own thing -- and I can't keep up with him anymore.
The "togetherness" issue in marriage comes up often -- not only in this blog but on venues for relationships online, tv and in the newspaper (Dear Abby ran a letter from a spouse on this topic recently). And the advice is always the same: pursue interests on your own, do things with friends, etc., -- that advice always breaks my heart. I do those things. But that's not a substitute for what I need in my marriage.
So, thanks for letting me vent. I know there are no answers to my questions.