Sad & Angry, the changes never came


I.m a non-add spouse, been married 18 years.  Despair is the only word that describes how I feel.  He was diagnosed 2 months after we married -  I thought 'ok, we can do this.  Lot.s to learn we.ll work together'.   He is a very kind & sweet man, is good father, a really good guy.  Nothing could have ever prepared me for living this way.  I have read everything, tried to help, organize, plan, ignore, let natural consequences happen, been direct, been accommodating.  I tried to be encouraging & patient (not good at this at all)   I begged, asked, screamed for him to do something differently.  To get help [more than medication alone, not enough].  The 'help' we got dismissed his Add/inattention & basically said 'You just need to lighten up, he.s a good guy. got it pretty good'. I was always very open about the fact that at some point I wouldn.t keep living this way.  Then about 3.5 years ago - I. Gave. Up.   The pain I feel is not because I love him or want his companionship it is because of the rage I feel for being tricked/lied to/deceived because he said 'I know I have some things to work on, I understand, I.m going to start making changes, you wait & see'.  I foolishly believed him & that was sick.  No more.