I know I have ADD, have been diagnosed with it, but more importantly have recognized the symptoms from early childhood. I have tried several medications over the years, but for various reasons haven't followed through on them.
I have had as issue with porn for several years, and my wife has made it clear on more then one occasion that this was unacceptable, and that she would end our marriage over it. I would plead with her each time, apologize and promise never to do it again, but would continue to do what she asked me not to. Tonight she found it again, and is saying this is it, that our marriage is over. I need to find a way to stop this problem and hopefully save my marriage.
I have told her I was sorry many times before, and that I wouldn't do it again, so I can't blame her for not believing me, I have said I care about her more then anything, but how can I say that when I didn't care enough to stop?
Part of my problem is not being able to accept that I have a problem, I thought because I only looked at porn online, that I didn't spend money on it, nor did I seek out other types of relationships (chats, etc) that I really wasn't addicted, I am now realizing that because I couldn't keep a promise to the person who is most important to me that I really do have a problem with porn addition.
This honestly may be in fact the final straw, because there are other problems in our marriage that my ADD makes even more difficult. We own a small business together, and our communication, labor division creates anger and frustration on her part, and frustration, and self esteem issues on mine. My issues seem to always manifest themselves as anger pointed at her and she is hurt and reacts with anger as well (not that I blame her).
I know I need help, both counseling, as well as medication, but honestly with our business being severely down in this economy, and the fact that I have no medical insurance makes it hard. I would love any suggestions that anyone has to offer. I desperately want to not only save my 10 year marriage, but also want to improve my life either way.
P.S.- I am 55 years old