Saying Goodbye

After dating who I thought was the love of my life for over a year (and has ADHD, medicated), I have finally decided to end our relationship. This is not a quick decision but instead something I've been pondering for the past several months. His erratic behaviors, mood swings, and lack of motivation have taken such a toll on me in one year - and I can't imagine a lifetime with this person if one year has been so tough.

More specifically, he again shut down from me emotionally this weekend. His work has again become overwhelming, and as a result, he shut everyone out of his life and refused to answer my phone calls, text messages, and emails. Today, he finally responded, explaining these feelings of stress. Even though he is leaving his job for another, it has still stressed him out to the point of not returning anyone's phone calls and holing up in his apartment for days without speaking. This is not the first time this has happened. 

We discussed separation last week, and he asked me to "wait for things to get better." That once he had a new job, "everything would change." I have heard this line again and again and again. 

I realize that I am unlike many on this site and perhaps I'm even lucky to be in this situation (of not being bound to him). We are not married, have only been together for a year, and I'm still pretty young (28). But I have felt the pain of all of your stories. It has shown me the future - both in a negative and positive light. Although I love this man so deeply and truly thought he'd be my husband, I am now ready to admit that I'm simply not built to deal with someone who shuts down anytime things get tough. I can't even imagine having children with him or harder endeavors down the road, if he thinks his first adult job is too overwhelming. 

However, saying goodbye is never easy. I will miss his good nature. How he could instantly connect with others. His charm. His humor. The comfort and his warmth. 

I hope that I am making the right decision, but you can never be too sure. I have had too many sleepless nights, however, worrying about him. My health is starting to suffer. My relationship views are starting to warp. I want to love myself again - and be truly appreciated by another person.

I hope it doesn't make me a terrible person to "give up."

No, it doesn't make a person

No, it doesn't make a person terrible to "give up." Especially now, before you swear before civil and possibly religious figures that you will endure this "...til death do you part." I personally know many other guys who are good natured, able to connect, charming, humorous and comforting/warm, but who don't have my curse.

If one year has adversely affected your health, you are definitely making the right choice. And you're freeing him up to find someone who can accept/put up with his ADHD. You'll both be happier in the long run.

Take care of yourself.



If you aren't married, then

If you aren't married, then its not much different than breaking up with any previous boyfreind. I'm sure this isn't your first relationship where you/he changed your mind and it may not be your last. If you have only been together a year, aren't married, and you aren't happy then you should not feel obligated to stay.

Letting Go

I had been HOLDING ON.  I had been CLINGING to someone who by his actions and words was showing me he'd rather I didn't.  The words to use are:  I will let him go.   You are not "giving up".  You are letting something go that doesn't want to put in the comittment, energy, focus, work to hold on to you. He has already let you go.  Don't cling to someone who does not appreciate you.  That is demeaning.  You are giving him what he is asking for.  You are letting him go as much for him as for you.  Let all the bad of him go.  Let all the good that is him go.  Google "letting go of a relationship".   There is lots of help for this.  I am working on letting go too.  Find someone you can partner with who will appreciate you and wants you and sees you in the framework of his life.