I am new to this forum, but already I feel like I have gained so much insight. I wanted to post mostly just to get everything off my chest and hope that some of you might have some more advice to guide me! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He was diagnosed with ADD as a child and has been medicated ever since. He told me this at the beginning of our relationship, but not having any previous experience in this arena, I didn't really think anything of it. After all, he was so sweet and attentive; I absolutely thought I had found the perfect guy. I didn't realize until I found this website that hyperfocus was a thing, but I feel like it explains a lot. Recently we have been fighting a lot, generally over the same issues. It has been really frustrating for me because I am trying to adapt to this relationship where I am in love with someone who, at times, literally does not even seem to acknowledge my existence. This weekend we had a discussion about it and he absolutely didn't even understand what I was talking about when I mentioned that it's frustrating and makes it difficult for me to be engaged in a conversation when I receive no reciprocation from him (in the fact that he sometimes completely ignores me when I'm talking because he is engrossed in a random internet article or something). He thinks he's a great listener, even though he can't even remember basic details about important events in my life. Another big issue we have had is him not telling me about things he has planned, which I am generally upset by because we had plans over the same time frame. For example, today is his birthday, and we had plans to spend the night together. At his birthday party on Friday night, a friend of his mentioned the plans they had to go to the bar after work today. When I confronted him about it, he said he "forgot" to tell me about it, even though it conflicted with plans we already had set. The thing that really upsets me is this is a pervasive issue. It has happened time and time and again. He apologizes, says he feels bad etc etc, and then gets angry when I don't believe him. But how can I when it keeps happening over and over again? His defense is always that he just didn't even think about me. It's very hard for me to understand this perspective, because in any relationship I feel like I am constantly focused on how my actions affect other people, and the fact that he doesn't even think of me is extremely hurtful.
I really feel like I have become an after thought in my relationship. I can tell he means well but I don't receive any support from him. I have tried desperately to compensate or understand but I'm not sure where to go from here. It is such a struggle because I see so many amazing qualities in him, but feel constantly like I am trying to make him notice me, even though we have been dating for quite some time. Hoping some of you might be able to provide some guidance! At the very least I appreciate anyone who reads this and at least understands what I'm going through!