Seeking Advice On Dealing With Sudden And Unpredictable Bouts Of Anger From My ADHD Wife

Hello everyone,

I'd like to know if any of you have any advice on dealing with anger outbursts from your ADHD partner.

My personal situation is:

1. The outbursts are, to me, completely illogical and unpredictable. After an outburst, when I talk to my spouse and/or research online, I can eventually (usually) understand what caused the anger, but in the moment, it is 99% unexpected every time. This is causing me anxiety and I am starting to filter myself and wondering "what does she want to hear" rather than saying what I need/want to say, because I'm afraid of causing an outburst that is going to upset her (sometimes for hours or days.) I realize this is very unealthy and I want to be a proactive and supportive husband, but, see point 2.

2. I have tried to argue back. I have tried to discuss calmly. I have tried to just support her and l listen. Everything seems to escalate the situation unless I just sit there and "take it" and I don't believe I should have to take that abuse (at least it feels like abuse) and I don't have the psychological stamina to do it.

So any advice on avoiding outbursts, dealing with outbursts, understanding outbursts would be welcome.

Thank you in advance.