I'd like to know if any of you have any advice on dealing with anger outbursts from your ADHD partner.
My personal situation is:
1. The outbursts are, to me, completely illogical and unpredictable. After an outburst, when I talk to my spouse and/or research online, I can eventually (usually) understand what caused the anger, but in the moment, it is 99% unexpected every time. This is causing me anxiety and I am starting to filter myself and wondering "what does she want to hear" rather than saying what I need/want to say, because I'm afraid of causing an outburst that is going to upset her (sometimes for hours or days.) I realize this is very unealthy and I want to be a proactive and supportive husband, but, see point 2.
2. I have tried to argue back. I have tried to discuss calmly. I have tried to just support her and l listen. Everything seems to escalate the situation unless I just sit there and "take it" and I don't believe I should have to take that abuse (at least it feels like abuse) and I don't have the psychological stamina to do it.
So any advice on avoiding outbursts, dealing with outbursts, understanding outbursts would be welcome.
Thank you in advance.