Seeking Knowledge

Hello, everyone.  This is my first post on any type of ADHD-related forum, and I'm not exactly sure how/where to start.

I am a 52 year old married father of four.  I've been pretty certain that I'm suffering from ADHD for several years now.  I've been in therapy, on and off, for more than five years...with limited results.  I have FINALLY scheduled my official ADHD assessment for the 31st of January.  That day cannot get here soon enough.  I'm hoping that with a proper diagnosis, I can begin getting treatment, both medically AND through proper therapy.

I guess I will start by saying that my wife is DONE.  She has suffered, from the spouce's point of view, for YEARS with my undiagnosed ADHD.  It has gotten to the point where she literally has a bag packed, sitting on the floor next to her side of the bed, and is ready to walk away.  She has told me that she can't do it anymore, has tried everything in her power to help our marriage, and is mentally and emotionally done dealing with my inability to consistently (or at all!) make any real improvements in our marriage.  ALL of her feelings are real and valid.  I asked her yesterday to not give up on me.  This enraged her.  After lying in bed, thinking about the situation, she had every right to be angry.  She has stuck through my mental BS for years.  She's only human, and can take just so much.  

This woman is my world.  She deserves so much more than I have been able to give her over the past several years.  She doesn't believe that I love her, let alone have any interest in her.  NOTHING could be further from the truth.  

I'm just starting down this road of discovery, and am dealing with a significant level of self-loathing.  

Thanks for reading.