I have now tried for months to get my husband (who has known about his ADHD since childhood) to understand we need outside help and our marriage is in danger. I've brought up counseling which he refuses to do because according to him I should be able to talk to him, not some stranger about MY issues. So I tried reading Melissa's book and told him it would be a good idea to read this after I'm done. He's now had it in his possession for 3 weeks and has done nothing but use it as a paper weight. He either doesn't care or doesn't see a problem in our life together and I don't know how much longer I can keep maintaining this one sided effort. I'm currently 7 months pregnant and don't foresee this as the joyous event it should be. Right now I'm dreading the additional energy I'm going to have to put out. I'm already drained. Quite frankly I give this marriage 5 years before I finally break, but with the child as a future factor, probably less. How do I get through to him??
Seems like no matter what I do I'm in this alone...
Submitted by gepture on 08/06/2017.
I hear you
Submitted by Goldilox73 on
Gepture, I understand completely. I've felt, and continue to feel, those exact feelings. It makes you feel isolated and hopeless. And being pregnant on top of that makes you feel HELPLESS, too, I'm sure. I wonder (sometimes daily) if my marriage will last. It took 14 yrs of togetherness and 2 kids (one with ADHD) for my DH to hear me and act. You cannot make him do it. He has to see the problems and want to make changes himself. It's a process. A looooong process. My DH was just diagnosed in the spring and I had fantasies of everything FINALLY being ok after that. But that isn't how it works. Change takes time. I still struggle with him. And I honestly don't know if we'll make it. But I know I'm not alone now. Others in ADHD marriages feel as I do, and knowing that gives me a little hope. Best thing to do is focus on YOUR needs. You won't make him do what you want. All you can do is control your own behavior and make sure YOU get support. That has been the hardest lesson for me.
I like what Goldi said.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Don't depend or place your hopes on someone who by their actions proves unfit to be counted on....You don't have to mad or angry to do this...It's a very difficult thing to accept our life partners aren't fit to be counted on many circumstances of life....Start with a list of realities...Those you are consistently let down about...Then hand your list to him and tell him there will be boundaries around these items....Boundaries are usually more painful for the one putting them in place, then for the one who isn't....It's spanking a disobedient child that you love dearly....You know it's for their own good, but it hurts the heart to a degree anyway....
You must be strong, You must see it for what is, so you can wise...You must guard you heart from anger, and bitterness....Most of all you must not loose thankfulness...Never associate the beauty of new life, with the character deformation of a grown human....Don't forfeit your Peace and Joy, God will make a way....He always does:)
C