Self-Esteem is sure a conundrum

I had such high hopes, yet it appears he would rather be alone with his ADHD wired brain than admit it is causing problems for our relationship. Now that I got that firmly planted in my brain. . . . I must go forward.  The reality I have come to understand in the past few months - I gotta find a way to allow myself to get past my anger and mourn this fact: I am disappointed he did not choose me.  

I am sorry you're feeling

I am sorry you're feeling rejected. I think that's a very common thing for those of us with ADHD spouses. The conflicts and choices that they seem to make often leaves us left to pick up the pieces and work everything out on our own. I have felt like a single parent for years, and my dh doesn't get why I say that I'm so lonely. When someone repeatedly chooses themselves and other things over spending time with you it's very painful. The only thing I have to hold on to right now is that I'm working towards improving MYSELF, which in the end is the only thing you can change.

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I have realized I was desperately wanting him to ACKNOWLEDGE my frustration.  He simply cannot - - or will not.  His heels are dug in with 'If I didn't mean to hurt your feeling, your feelings cannot be hurt."  He is sorry a circumstance arose - but does not take ownership for how ADHD behavior spins that situation into a hurricane.

I want better for myself.  I have some grip on how his brain works.  I cannot choose to stay with someone who will not acknowledge it himself.  


My husband does not want to

My husband does not want to hear about problems.  He has said that me talking about problems and frustrations is me being too honest.  I've given up.  Now I will give him facts (e.g., "you owe me this much money for your share of the joint bills I paid"), not tell him that I feel scared when we're running out of money, and not suggest that him paying me regularly or making more money would greatly reduce my fear and thus improve my mood and my desire to stay in the marriage.  

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Make-Believe World

LOL!  My husband is also a believer that I just don't look at things that bother me.  

Sadly the reality is that while we are so much alike in some things - it is the small percentage of things that we did not see eye to eye that have grown into huge issues over the past 29 years.  

I acknowledge my mistakes - I always changed my mind to get him out of his anger.  Since I apologized to him for my lack of understanding - I thought I was being a peace-maker - I told him I will not be controlled by his anger anymore.  It has been a disaster ever since.  Hugely disappointing.  It appears to me that he cannot compromise.  I had thought he didn't know how.  Shocking to my system.