My husband has been severely depressed for the last two years. He's been taking citalopram for about a year now. During this year, I have suggested to him numerous times, to find another med. He is still depressed, can't sleep because the med makes him feel awake, and is down right mean sometimes. After realizing the citalopram might be making him less empathetic towards people and situations, I talked to him about it and backed up the information with research. I also told him that I went off citalopram in the past for the same reason- I became a jerk, I didn't care about anyone or anything. He finally agreed to try something else. He was put on Wellbutrin. The change was rough for him initially, because of his withdrawal effects from citalopram. He was moody and angry. However, once he was on Wellbutrin awhile, the change was noticable. He was a loving and caring person again (most of the time). I was feeling like we're finally getting over the mess and becoming a family again. Last week, I find out he switched back to citalopram without my knowledge. He said he didn't like Wellbutrin, because it made him feel. He said he wants to be numb and not deal with people's feelings. Since going back on citalopram, he's become a total jerk. He doesn't care about how I feel and has been saying very mean and hateful things. It seems like everytime something good starts to happen, he self-sabotages and drags himself and our family down. Last night he was being verbally abusive and mean to me. I called his mom and had his mom pick him up and take him to her house. He's there now. It's so hard when I see how positive things could be, but he doesn't want to change. He doesn't want to fail, so he sabotages himself before he can, so he can blame it on his anger or an arguement we had. He's seen things better, but doesn't want them. It hurts and I just don't understand. All I know is I can't let him bring me down anymore. I'm trying to look at a better future. However, it's hard when my whole life feels like it's in chaos right now.
Self-sabotage
Submitted by jade21 on 12/21/2015.
Who you are does not depend on the choices of others
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
jade21,
"It hurts and I just don't understand. All I know is I can't let him bring me down anymore. I'm trying to look at a better future. However, it's hard when my whole life feels like it's in chaos right now."
I can understand the difficulty in finding the right medications - sometimes it seems we are trying to settle for the least amount of side effects, rather than enjoying the relief we had hoped we would get. That goes in both directions. The relief we get when we take medication - and the relief we get when we see the positive affect medication has for our spouse.
"This is an issue I not only have with him, but my family." I understand wanting so desperately for someone - just anyone - to understand the pain we are dealing with in our heart and soul. I can share with you my own experience with this basic idea - I am finally getting to the place where I did not need my feelings, thoughts, and ideas to be acknowledged or approved by anyone. Surely it is nice. It was, and continues to be, my own confidence that steers me to make choices in which I - Me - Liz - feel contentment.
"He said he wants to be numb and not deal with people's feelings." I see this as a very telling statement. I hate that for you. I hope that someday he will want to choose a different path. Can you feel peace in a relationship with someone who wants those choices? As difficult as it may be, you will not be able to force him to make another choice - until he is ready.
Very Truly,
Liz