My husband has been severely depressed for the last two years.  He's been taking citalopram for about a year now.  During this year, I have suggested to him numerous times, to find another med.  He is still depressed, can't sleep because the med makes him feel awake, and is down right mean sometimes.  After realizing the citalopram might be making him less empathetic towards people and situations, I talked to him about it and backed up the information with research.  I also told him that I went off citalopram in the past for the same reason- I became a jerk, I didn't care about anyone or anything.  He finally agreed to try something else.  He was put on Wellbutrin.  The change was rough for him initially, because of his withdrawal effects from citalopram.  He was moody and angry.  However, once he was on Wellbutrin awhile, the change was noticable.  He was a loving and caring person again (most of the time).  I was feeling like we're finally getting over the mess and becoming a family again.  Last week, I find out he switched back to citalopram without my knowledge.  He said he didn't like Wellbutrin, because it made him feel.  He said he wants to be numb and not deal with people's feelings.  Since going back on citalopram, he's become a total jerk.  He doesn't care about how I feel and has been saying very mean and hateful things.  It seems like everytime something good starts to happen, he self-sabotages and drags himself and our family down.  Last night he was being verbally abusive and mean to me.  I called his mom and had his mom pick him up and take him to her house.  He's there now.  It's so hard when I see how positive things could be, but he doesn't want to change.  He doesn't want to fail, so he sabotages himself before he can, so he can blame it on his anger or an arguement we had.  He's seen things better, but doesn't want them.  It hurts and I just don't understand.  All I know is I can't let him bring me down anymore.  I'm trying to look at a better future.  However, it's hard when my whole life feels like it's in chaos right now.