Ok, I am reaching out to get some feedback on a problem in our marriage which is huge and getting bigger by the day. One for which I see no solution. MY DH and I have been successfully working on a lot of issues, but this one seems hopeless to me and I sometimes feel like I should just move out if we can't fix it. So, as I'm sure most of you know, people with ADHD often have a myriad of sensory issues as well, much like someone on the autism spectrum. My ADHD daughter was sensitive to touch and texture and getting her dressed in the morning when she was young was Hell. My husband, on the other hand, is very sensitive to tone of voice and volume. He literally cannot stand loud voices or intensity in communication. He feels "assaulted" and overwhelmed virtually every time I open my mouth to speak, because (surprise, surprise) I am naturally one of the loudest speakers you will ever meet. My voice is clear and loud and it PROJECTS. To top it off, I am extremely emotional and the more excited I get, the louder and more "animated" I get. All of this literally sets my husband's teeth on edge. It has gotten to be such a sore subject that the minute I hear him say "Honey, take it down a notch. You're bellowing!", I get very very angry. I am not bellowing, I am just talking!!! I tell him that and he says that either way I am too loud and he can't stand it. He wants to hear what I have to say, but my delivery is all wrong for his sensory system. If I have to watch every word that comes out of my mouth for fear of hurting his ears, setting his teeth on edge, and making him anxious, then I might as well not talk at all. My entire family of origin are loud, expressive, emotional talkers (Celtic/Irish ancestry) and I LOVE being around them. We have fun and we keep things interesting, but in my own home, my speaking voice is like nails on a chalkboard to my sensitive spouse. When we visit my family, just when things are getting really fun and interesting to me, my husband usually slips out the back door quietly and goes to the barn alone to decompress. He will pace around the tractors and tiller and bushog and piles of detritus and the empty stalls for about 45 minutes before coming back inside. When I look up and see him heading out the door, I know to just let him go because he needs to get away from the very energetic dynamic in my family's home. But, in our own home, he can't escape 24/7 and I can't muzzle myself and I am really not sure where on earth to go from here. Although he is very hyper and physically energetic himself, he is easily overwhelmed by any show of emotional expression at all and feels "assaulted" by it. That is the word he actually uses. So, in a nutshell, my normal speaking voice feels like an assault to my husband almost every time I speak. What on earth are we supposed to do about that?????? I have actually asked him why he ever married me in the first place, and he says "You weren't always this loud", which isn't true. I have finally figured it out, though. As we have aged and he has advanced in his career with more responsibility, more stress, and more accountability, he has become more exhausted, more anxious, and more drained. You've heard the saying "I gave at the office"--well, in his case, truer words were never spoken. He uses every bit of stamina he has to keep his job and when he gets home, he is drained and has nothing left. When he was younger and we were dating and first married, work life was more relaxed and he wasn't using up all his strength to control his symptoms. He thinks I have gotten louder, but what is true is that as his life has gotten more "adult" and he is depleted by it, he is noticing my tone of voice in a way he never did before. This started about 3 years ago, just when his career really took a leap. Life was actually easier at home when he got laid off in 2009 and he took a job outdoors and got to run around in the woods all day. He took a huge pay cut, but was happy as a lark--totally in his element. I am happy and proud that he is successful, but have no idea what to do about this issue it creates at home. Maybe I should learn sign language--LOL. Is there anybody else here who can relate to this at all? I have never seen a single post about this and I feel really alone and stuck in a lose-lose situation here.