Hello! I have never in my life posted to an open forum like this, but I am desperate for advice so I'm really hoping this helps!
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have been living together for about a year. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a child and is 33 years old now. He has been on and off meds his whole life. We have our fair share of issues: lying, impulsivity, lack of effort, little help around the house, etc. One BIG issue is that we do not have sex; very little sexual contact at all. We kiss each other, but that is really about it. He has never had a relationship other than ours, so he has never been sexual with another person. Months into our relationship this became an issue. I thought something was wrong with me, or he wasn't attracted to me. He has told me time and time again that he is attracted me and that this is his problem - not mine. But it's so hard for me not to take offense and be hurt about getting rejected over and over again. Basically what happens is if I initiate any kind of sexual contact, even just kissing him, he tries to avoid it. He will move his face away from mine, tell me he's tired, he's not in the mood, maybe later...etc. We have no sex life whatsoever. He says he wants to have sex and he wants children someday, yet he puts NO effort into having a sexual relationship with me. He says he gets anxiety when it comes to me touching him or us having sex. He hasn't had anyone touch him in that way before, so it's strange to him and he has a lot of trouble getting pleasure from someone else. Just to clarify - he is able to become aroused if he is doing it himself, but as soon as I become involved, he gets anxiety and it's over. We have gone to therapists, tried medication, went to the doctor, and nothing has helped. I am at my wits end. I love him so much, but I need to be intimate with the person I love and I want a family. I am turning 30 in less than 2 months, I feel like this is never going to happen. Help!!! Has anyone had this kind of experience? Is there any way for him to get through the feelings of anxiety and have a pleasurable experience? Like I said, we have been working on this for over a year. Any advice or suggestions would be very much appreciated!