Does anyone else struggle because their ADHD partner doesn't have any dreams for the future for you and/or your family? My husband is a wonderfully present man by nature and struggles with planning or looking ahead. I find this really hard because, in contrast, I thrive on working towards exciting adventures in life. I realise I could just plan by myself and fill this need elsewhere but there is still that hole, that lack of shared dreams for us as a couple and as a young family. I also find that when I talk about exciting possibilities he shuts me down, fearful of change adn fearful that if he joins in i will 'run away with an idea'.
Do I just need to accept this is the way it is?
Submitted by sickandtired on
Sorry, but having your needs met and sharing your dreams about the future require a normal mind, not a self centered, irresponsible, entitled negative mindset that inevitably comes with ADHD. I tried for almost 12 years to “clear the way” for my ADHD ex BF. All I received back was blame, having to listen to his circular victim-centered arguments, and so much stress that I either had to kick him out or sacrifice all of my dreams. He was NEVER happy, always bringing me down. They typically get worse with age and increased responsibilities, like having children. We weren’t married, thank God, and had no children, so there was no reason to stay and be his lifetime caretaker and ATM, since he brought in absolutely no money. I spent thousands of dollars on doctors, therapists and psychiatrists for HIM, but he dismissed everything, and again blamed me. My conclusion, for myself, was to get out of the relationship. That was the only way I could get this horrible ADHD servitude out of my life.
Goals and dreams
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
My ex accused me of not knowing what I wanted, and that I didn't have goals. YET, he never asked, and put himself and his needs before mine. I expressed my desires/feelings about a career path, and he told me: "there is no money in it, so whats the point"? He simply wasn't interested in what I had to say. I stopped talking after a while.