She doesn't accept any responsibility

I'm mid 60s and recently diagnosed. All was OK for 44 years and then I retired. All structure (we moved as well) was gone and ADD roared its ugly head. Took 18 months to figure it out. Have attended marriage counseling together, however, wife doesn't like the therapist. The therapist asks tough questions and my wife doesn't like that. She says the therapist is biased against her. Therapist says she has built up anger, she says she doesn't although our arguments are her screaming. I'm a part of the communication problem as well. Admittedly not clear. Don't always 'hear' what she says and don't say what I thought I said. She told therapist that she no longer respects me - respects before ADD - but not now because I've hurt her deeply. I get that part of hurting her - but to never regain respect seems hopeless. Neither of us wants a divorce but can't go on in this constant argument cycle (poor communication on my part is the problem - ALWAYS).  SO what do I do? We've read several ADD books including Effects on Marriage. We know what ADD is and management techniques. Medication - non stimulant is mostly helpful. If I forget to use communication tools - I'm not accepting of the symptoms - I'm in denial - and I don't ant to get better more than she does.  


SO, what do we do? How can I convince her I'm trying and will improve. How can I encourage her to understand that I know she is not being mean - her words - yet her 'teaching' moments sometimes sound to my brain like criticism?  She says that is my problem - despite the information we have read and learned about. Ever since the diagnosis, ADD has been the number one thing we talk about - EVERYDAY. ADD is apart of me but not all of me. 

I'm at the end of the road and so is she.