She’s gone for good this time

my wife told me last night that she want a divorce, she’s done. 

My heart is broken and I’m bleeding out, the devastation and sense of loss I’m feeling is so painful I want to crawl into a hole and die.

I love her with all my heart, she is my world and I’m completely crushed. I take the medication, I read the books, I try very hard to control my ADHD but over our seventeen year marriage all the little things have piled up into one giant pile until she got so worn down that she wants out at any cost. I understand, if I was in her shoes I would want to get away from me as well. But that doesn’t stop the agony I’m feeling from losing her.

I do not deny any of the symptoms that affect our marriage. I know they are there and I’m willing to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to change my ways and save our marriage. Like I said, she is my world and I want to grow old with her and take care of her for the rest of our lives. 

This is the third time she has said she wants a divorce and I don’t know if I can stop it this time. I know that I have to try my hardest and give it everything I have to earn her love and respect back.