After all the emotional stuff on here this morning, I'm almost ashamed to post this...
After long struggle, I've got my husband to agree to "doing the laundry." What that means is that I sort the clothes and he puts them in the washer and dryer. This is because I have trouble with the laundry room because the floor is covered with stuff and I've had a couple of bad/scary falls there. The clothes are never hung up. We do "dress out of the dryer," which was a topic of much conversation a while back. That's because he says our closets are not big enough to hang our clothes. We honestly don't have too many clothes, just small closets. Rental house, so I can't do anything about that. And he won't look for another house for us.
Anyway, I went into the laundry room this morning to get clothes to wear today (I can navigate it if I'm not carrying anything.) and found a favorite shirt on the floor in front of the dryer wet and ruined. He never got it into the dryer! Chemicals from the concrete got into the fabric and it's permanently discolored; I've had that problem with other stuff. When I brought it to his attention, he said "If you don't like the way I do laundry, to it yourself" (knowing it's dangerous for me). Then he left out the back door without saying goodbye. Now to me, the only response to "you ruined a favorite shirt with your carelessness" is "I am so sorry. Here's $20 to buy yourself another shirt. I'll be more careful from now on," not sulking or refusing to acknowledge responsibility.
So is it wrong to expect the ADDer to take responsibility for their own behavior? Should I expect, as the wife of an ADDer, to clean up his messes, support him when he gets fired, wipe up his spills, accept that he'll ruin my stuff, and just keep smiling and telling him he's wonderful? I don't want to live like that!!