Should I change my behavior? Help!!

Last Sunday my husband misunderstood me because he wasn't listening and it ended up in an all day long fight. He got so mad at me, cursing and calling me names. He does have an anger problem, always has, but these past few years the temper tantrums have been getting worse. He is currently taking meds for his adhd (just started) but goes without them a few days a week, and when he does everything catches up to him. 

So, we were discussing his outburst and his anger issue with our therapist, who is an adhd counselor for kids, adults, and couples, but she directed the conversation around what I could do to help him out of this mood. It was like she was saying I had no right to get mad at him for not listening and then him getting mad at me because he thought I said something different than what I did. I understand it is the adhd, but I get so frustrated at this cycle.

She told me that I should disengage, not react, etc. Does this sound like something I should do with my husband? A child, yes. My husband? Do I not have a right get angry, to not let him know that I upset?