Should I stay?


Hello. I am brand new to this site, but have had one of those "a-ha" moments after reading these posts. I am engaged to a man (well, sort of engaged- we've broken it off twice due to "moods") whom I believe to be ADHD. He has not been diagnosed, and I'm not sure if he really can see that he might have it. But I see so many of the patterns mentioned here in him. His son is also very hyperactive, as well as his nephew, and his whole family has addiction problems (especially to games and the computer). Here are the things I have seen in him:

The first few months were awesome! He was very attentive, we were (and still are) super attracted to each other. He is great with my children, always wanting to have fun and go places. Wore me out in fact. It was like Prince charming had walked into my life. Then came the moods. Little things I said or did (usually very silly things to get upset about) unintentionally, would cause him to fly off the handle, shut down, and get very angry. It was like all of a sudden he no longer loved me. In fact, I seemed to repel him. I never knew what would set him off. I was walking on eggshells not wanting to put him in a mood. After a day or so, he'd be fine and back to normal.

Little habits of his, that drove me nuts, began to creep in. He is completely addicted to video games. He'll tell me he's just going to play for 5 minutes, but that will turn into hours, all the while ignoring me. He will even play all night long and miss work the next day because he needs to sleep it off. He actually cancelled his online gaming after months of me bugging him about it. I was so proud of him. But, within the week, he was now playing his nephew's new game instead and missing work, time with me, etc. again. Ugh! He will spend hours on the computer also searching through his e-mails or craiglist.

He is not messy. In fact he can be rather OCD when it comes to cleanliness. But he always seems to have a "to do" list that never gets done. He will take days off of work to get things done, and not have done a darn thing by the time I come over.

He has an incessant need to always be doing something or going somewhere. He loves to travel, but travelling can also make him tired and irritable, thus leading to moodiness.

He has been divorced twice and had several "dysfunctional" relationships with women, mainly ones who are very controlling.

He used to call me all the time, and constantly want to talk. Now I feel as though I'm getting "humored" with as occasional call or text if I bug him enough.

He will not admit fault for anything, and turns it all back around on me in an argument. I have to just shut up, so as not to rock the boat.

He will promise to do something with me, then make other plans if someone else asks him to do something.

He will make many promises that he forgets he ever made (some of which have really messed me up financially).

He is oftentimes very late. He says he will meet me at a certain time, then not show up for hours (yet not realize it's been hours). Tonight he came over 4 hours late for a fun family night, and was annoyed that I decided not to go out with them after all (I was too frustrated that the rest of our plans for the night had been ruined).

He has many wonderful qualities as well. He is so kind and very affectionate toward me (we do not have that particular ADHD problem), when I have his attention that is. He is wonderful with my children. They adore him and he gives them a lot of extra needed attention. We have extremely good days where we cannot get enough of each other. And our time spent alone together, without the children, is awesome! We tend to want to spend every possible moment together (when he's not distracted at least). We're a bit obsessed with each other and have been since day one, although a bit less so than in the beginning.

When I broke off our upcoming marriage a couple months back (horrible moods again that I realized I might not be able to deal with), he decided to go to counseling and try to work on things, which I saw as a huge step in his recognizing that he has a problem. Unfortunately, the counselor has not been that helpful and is, in fact, ADHD himself! Really, until today, I thought finding a different counselor would work. I thought we could get through all of this if he could only recognize that he has a problem. After reading many of your stories though, I'm beginning to think we're doomed. Is there any hope? I love this man to death, and have put over a year of my life toward him and his children and don't want to see it end. But, I also don't want to end in another divorce. HELP!