I recently got married to someone who I thought was IT! I mean everything in a nutshell. Even thought we came from EXTREMELY different planets (backgrounds) I felt like we just meshed so well. Knowing the my ADDer came from a broken home and a harsh environment (the HOOD) I could see the lack of expressing too many emotions, not knowing how to be romantic and not knowing how to conduct themselves in a new environment (the suburbs) but I thought that could change with time in no time. Boy I could not have been more wrong!! After our wedding date, things became warped. I found myself doing EVERYTHING! All of the qualities that I once fell in love with are now erased like they were never present in the first place. I soon became overwhelmed with remembering when her bills were due and keeping track of events and many other things up to my eyeballs. In all of that, I lost ALL of me. I soon struggled with keeping my personal bills and responsibilities in order and noticed that I was not paying as much attention to my son as I always have. I found myself trying to raise not only my child but my full grown spouse as well. I BEGGED and CRIED and TRIED and TRIED to show her and explain to her how her lack of focus and inattentiveness affected me. I grew weary and my health began failing trying to keep up with everything. I went from fun loving and outgoing to miserable and unhappy really quickly. I felt as though I had done all that I could to save us. We started counseling and it was awkward at first but we both got into it. I was so beyond frustrated and angry within 1 week following our first session that I thought my head was going to explode! During our 3rd visit after explaining my frustrations and anger and extreme lack of interest in this marriage, the therapist asked a few SIMPLE questions and BAM! She advised this could be ADD. I instantly felt horrible about being angry and decided that I was going to tough this out but there WILL BE boundaries. I began reading this forum and it gave me an alternate view to ADD marriages. This soothed me for a spell. I began then noticing that everything was getting worse almost like now that I may have a condition, you have no choice but to stick with it! Um, NO. I asked her if she thought she was socially awkward or saw any differences in her coping skills from anyone else...she said no and didn't care how others viewed her as long as she did not embarrass me. Talking to her is like talking to a wall. Here came the instant frustration and anger with everything I mentioned. Completely defensive no matter what I said. I advised her that she was becoming impossible to be with anymore and I fight myself EVERYDAY to stay here in this marriage and her attitude does not make it ANY better. In a nutshell, she understands that she may have ADD but doesn't know what to do as she was never used to caring about herself in this way she mostly always just had survival skills more than anything else. I am completely drained of EVERYTHING, love, emotions, desire, and so much more. I have blocked her from my heart in fear that I may lose myself even more while helping her find herself. I fear that she is just getting on the bandwagon in fear of losing me and our life together and not really for herself. It makes all the effort phoney and useless. If you do not see a problem with yourself, how can you put all of your efforts into this? I feel like I should get out while I can before I'm unhappy for 20 years down the line. I'm not getting any younger and she's not really trying to make much progress (in my opinion) Please help!
Submitted by BluAngel83 on 05/16/2012.