Should I take him back?

My ADHD boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year before I ended things. I actually remember writing on these message boards, declaring it was over. 

Since our breakup, we've stayed in touch. At first, we didn't communicate for three weeks or so. Then, gradually, we started seeing each other once a week or once every other. At first, it was casual. However, it has since moved into conversations about getting back together, etc. Essentially, he has told me that he's gotten his life back together finally (after a year of chaos at a crappy job, location, etc.) and now wants to sure things up in this area of his life. This was one of the main reasons I broke up with him: because he couldn't manage his life and kept blaming me as the problem. 

I began seriously contemplating getting back together with him, despite how he's mistreated me in the past. However, he's beginning to act the same as he did before (i.e. not ever making me a priority). Since our talk, I haven't been able to get a hold of home via phone (for about 5 days). When he finally did call me back today, he said something to the effect of, "I don't know if I make enough money for you. I have a long way to go" because I asked him how his finances were the last time we spoke. Then, he said he was thinking about his life and what he wants out of it and that he is "definitely" relocating in the next several years. 

I just don't understand what happened in a week's time. He went from talking about getting back together (and kissing me, btw, unexpectedly - a romantic gesture) to basically avoiding me/shutting me out again. I think it's because I asked that question about his finances. Now, all of a sudden, he's not sure if I fit into his future plans.

I realize that the "relationship purgatory" I've put us in is not ideal. It's extremely confusing for him to be caring about someone but not dating them again (why he wants to get back together). But I can't get back together with him unless I trust him. And I can't trust him unless I see/talk to him.

So far what I see - I can't trust. But yet, he has a hold on me that I can't understand. I continue to let him treat me like I don't matter or that I'm not a priority - and I keep coming back for more. 

Help. I need advice. I am 28 years old, still young, but I would really like to meet the one. Sometimes I wonder if my ex is holding me back from that, and that he will never be the one either.

Can you picture life without

Can you picture life without him? That was a question I had to ask myself over and over when my hubby and I were in the depths of our marital trouble. The answer was always "no". If you're still looking for the "one" then it sounds like your ex isn't it. At the end of the day, it takes a very special person to be married with someone with ADHD. A lot of patience and love and the ability to forgive and move on. Even though I chose to stay with my husband, I understand where you are coming from. I just turned 30 and feel like my life has been on hold since I got married four years ago. I love my hubby so much but I often wonder how much of my life will I have to sacrifice to get on the same level as I am. I thought I would have kids by now but as the major breadwinner right now, there's just not enough  money.

Have you dated anyone else since breaking up with your ex? It may give you some perspective. I was engaged before I met my hubby. The guy was a very dear friend and I convinced myself that feeling safe took precedence over everything else. He wasn't ADHD but the issues with our compatibility soon had me seeing red flags everywhere and I pulled the plug. We were such good friends that it was like a double tragedy. After a few weeks, we managed to start talking again and it really put me in limbo. I couldn't decide if I made the right decision. I was dating others and not having much luck. Then I met my hubby and he just told me straight up, "You got to move on. You can't live with one foot in the past if you want to move forward." He was totally right. I finally decided to put some distance between me and my ex and I was finally able to move on. Back then, my hubby was a force to be reckoned with. Dinner out all the time, little gifts, super affectionate and very attentive. We'd talk on the phone for hours and he always returned my calls. Of course, that changed drastically once we were married, but that's a story for another day. 

At the end of the day, if your ex isn't treating you all that well while you're dating, I can't imagine what will happen once you're married. At the very least, I would be straight with him. Tell him you care for him, but you're not sure about a permanent future and that you would like to take some time on your own (without contact) to sort yourself out. Believe me, being in contact with someone even if it's just platonic can really muddy the waters.

Best of luck to you.

Read your own post

Bleh -- he doesn't sound like any prize to me. Why would you choose to be with someone who mistreats you -- past and present? Find another hobby besides trying to change someone else.