My ADHD boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year before I ended things. I actually remember writing on these message boards, declaring it was over.
Since our breakup, we've stayed in touch. At first, we didn't communicate for three weeks or so. Then, gradually, we started seeing each other once a week or once every other. At first, it was casual. However, it has since moved into conversations about getting back together, etc. Essentially, he has told me that he's gotten his life back together finally (after a year of chaos at a crappy job, location, etc.) and now wants to sure things up in this area of his life. This was one of the main reasons I broke up with him: because he couldn't manage his life and kept blaming me as the problem.
I began seriously contemplating getting back together with him, despite how he's mistreated me in the past. However, he's beginning to act the same as he did before (i.e. not ever making me a priority). Since our talk, I haven't been able to get a hold of home via phone (for about 5 days). When he finally did call me back today, he said something to the effect of, "I don't know if I make enough money for you. I have a long way to go" because I asked him how his finances were the last time we spoke. Then, he said he was thinking about his life and what he wants out of it and that he is "definitely" relocating in the next several years.
I just don't understand what happened in a week's time. He went from talking about getting back together (and kissing me, btw, unexpectedly - a romantic gesture) to basically avoiding me/shutting me out again. I think it's because I asked that question about his finances. Now, all of a sudden, he's not sure if I fit into his future plans.
I realize that the "relationship purgatory" I've put us in is not ideal. It's extremely confusing for him to be caring about someone but not dating them again (why he wants to get back together). But I can't get back together with him unless I trust him. And I can't trust him unless I see/talk to him.
So far what I see - I can't trust. But yet, he has a hold on me that I can't understand. I continue to let him treat me like I don't matter or that I'm not a priority - and I keep coming back for more.
Help. I need advice. I am 28 years old, still young, but I would really like to meet the one. Sometimes I wonder if my ex is holding me back from that, and that he will never be the one either.