I'm not sure if I should be posting here because a. I'm diagnosed with dyspraxia and 'attention disorder', not adhd and
b. I'm not married.
I've had such severe problems throughout my life I've avoided relationships for most of it because as far as I'm concerned if you love someone you want to make them happy. My feelings don't matter, that person's feelings do. I have very poor coordination and sequencing abilities and that alone has given me extreme difficulties holding down a job. I mess up trying to use a photocopier, I can't carry cups and glasses without breaking them or spilling their contents, do everything literally ten times slower than everyone else and that's with attention/ organisational problems and physical symptoms combined. I've lasted a matter of days before, or just a day and that's sometimes when I've worked hours without stopping and been in physical pain by the end of it. I'm training to do a job that has to be done slowly now and can be done on a self-employed basis. I will manage if I have to die trying.
I get up at 6 every day and try to clean the house as quickly as possible. I want to be good enough for marriage. I budget every week, listing off all expenses I can think of. I'd love there to be someone who would pull me up and say when I'm going wrong. I want to make someone happy and would rather be dead than ruin the life of someone I love. Surely that wouldn't be love at all! I'm almost thirty-three, female and not getting any younger and would love to have children. Dyspraxia is exhausting and my energy is going to get less and less, learning to be reliable and organised enough because of add symptoms isn't going to get easier but I have a need to love like anyone else. I want to be allowed to get married and know happiness is possible. Friends say I'm the kindest person they know and if anything a bit of a pushover in my eagerness to please. Reading the posts on this site make me cry so hard, I could never hurt someone like that. I want to make my partner feel safe and appreciated. Otherwise there's no point in living. What can I do to be a good wife? There absolutely must be an answer. Rather selfishly I've started dating. Do you think I should?