Submitted by YorkshireLass on 10/20/2015.
After years of my cajoling my husband had a burst of ambition and had to immediately mount the shower slide bar without consultation (if I don't specify precisely it gets done wrong and I know that sounds petulant, but I've had too many gong show situations). So, while I'm at the grocery store he mounted the shower slide bar in the walk in shower ***at floor level*** because I said I'd also use that shower for the dog. Did he think the dog was going to adjust the shower arm? I don't know what to think, to me this is a human who Darwinian principles dictate should not have survived past adolescence, but society and me have somehow managed to keep him alive through no small effort.
Not to mechanically minded Ah?
Submitted by c ur self on
Maybe he's planning on lying down to shower:)
I should take a picture - a
Submitted by YorkshireLass on
I should take a picture - a record for posterity in the contractor hall of (in)fame.
I know this was posted a
Submitted by Almost Done on
I know this was posted a while ago, but I really hope that you did take that photo.
It reminds me of something my husband did. We were redoing the kitchen and putting up pegboard. I had cut and painted strips of wood to be screwed to the wall and the board mounted to them. The interior support strips were measured and cut so they would only fit one way. One strip was to go horizontally in the middle of the support frame and two strips were to go vertically up the center with the horizontal support in between, much like a four square tick tack toe board. I mistakenly thought that no explicit instructions were needed and he kept accusing me of treating him like he didn't know anything and like a child during this whole process when I would do things like suggest that he measure before he cut or use the level to make sure the ten foot long shelf will be straight (it isn't).
My husband was mounting the frame while I was at work one day. He sent me a picture of the support strips all mounted and ready for the pegboard, all proud of himself. It didn't look like a tic tac toe board. It looked like a Y. The strip that was to go horizontally was going up the center from the bottom and the two shorter strips were diagonal out of the upper two corners. When I called him and explained how it was supposed to be and asked him to change it, I got yelled at, told it was fine, and that I am too picky about everything.
I kept the photo he sent.
Just a Thought? How Would I Have Done This?
Submitted by kellyj on
1) Get a picture ( a photograph or actual drawing of what you want it to look like first...before you even start? Sounds like ( to me )....you had a case of the left hand...hot knowing what the right hand is ( seeing)....or imagining in your mind...compared to the image he had of what is was suppose to look like?
I am so familiar with this from the work I do? There is what is called "making things to "spec"......or simply....creating on the fly.....meaning......one is a creative process using your imagination ( in the moment )....and one is actually making something....exactly to order....using a mechanical drawing, exploded images of all the parts in a pre-assembled form ( on paper ), and an exact order in which to follow in order to get the desired results?
So with one.....you know exactly what it is to look like...and you've got that exact visual image ( or a picture or photograph ) to work from....so basically in "spec" pieces...you are copying? Literally?
The other one....which is just "thinking it...and therefore it is"........is imagining it in your head...as you imagine it will be...and then setting out and trying to create this image...as you go....with no exact idea or visual image to work from?
I have to say......there is an inherent human tendency working against both of you? As you know.....no one is right...if everyone is wrong? That's a nice way of saying.....I would have done this completely differently than either one of you were attempting to do it...and I could have predicted this ahead of time.....once I saw you start....and then trying to have him follow?
There is a term that we used.....in what is known as a "Trade Shop"...or an outfit or shop ( a group )....that did work for the "Trade" as it was said? Meaning...you are a contractor or gun for hire.....meaning.....people come to you....with their idea of what they want...and you make it for them?
This is that HUGE pet peeve.....I have with ( women especially and I don't know exactly why this is? )....but the word "Designer" keeps getting applied ( Wrongly!!!!! ) to the notion that the person who simply "thinks up an idea" or "Vision"....from your imagination....automatically makes you a "Designer"...and I cannot emphasize....just how wrong that is? It is a Novice mistake....that most everyone makes...so it is not to be said like a put down or criticism of you or your husband here......but......there is a reason why....a person might pay a professional to do anything like this...and it comes right down to a particular......"look"....or "style"......that person like this has the ability to do.....that is more than just the pieces assemble together straight and even....that has to do with "the way it is made".....more than cutting things straight and making things even or in the right place? You could put a piece together ....100 times.....and still not get to look the same as someone who has learned how to do this and it is NOT.....a simple means of just learning how ( out of a book or by an instructor )....which boils down to what I'm calling a "Touch" of the hand or feeling...that no one can actually see? This is that thing...that everyone knows when they watch someone who is really really good at doing something? As it is said......"They make it look easy."
That...right there....."They make it look easy"......is something that if I were to say...it's a lot harder than it looks....wouldn't even begin to tell the tale of how completely understated that would be to say as accurate?
I'm going to do that thing again.....where I change hats...and speak with the authority of a person ...as if everyone in this thread, just came in to me and my shop...and lodged the same complaints and all the speculating done here...and even including what I have contributed in my own way......instead of doing this right from the beginning? I'm doing the same thing with my wife...just so you know....because, if I do, actually....already know the right answer.......in her case especially.....I am no longer worried about saying she is wrong...if she is? Simply put? This is part of that "being Nice" thing again? Afraid of telling someone they are wrong......just so not to hurt their feelings but at a cost....in the same respect....to me when I don't? It doesn't cost my wife anything when she's wrong...but it does me....when I actually knew the right answer...and allowed her to be wrong if it effects me as well? I won't say...that I don't care when she screws up and it effects her only.....but I have learned the hard way.....that if someone refuses any help or advise ...and they simply cannot defer.....then there is no sense in arguing and fighting with them about it....if they simply will not listen?
The problem is......unless they listen and at least....listen to what they are doing wrong ( not telling them how they are doing it wrong...but WHAT they are doing wrong? ) It doesn't matter how they do it....it will still turn out wrong no matter how many times they try? There are Secrets.......that need to be learned...and if you never know what those are....it will never turn out right no matter how many attempts and different ways you try......it's the Secrets ( the unseen unknown qualities ) that go completely ignore and missed by everyone...until you understand their importance and how critical they are to what ever you are doing?
So instead of telling you all the things you did wrong.....I will tell you just one thing you did wrong and leave it there for now because once you've started down the wrong road to begin with.....everything on that road.....will be wrong? It's the road...or path.....that has to be right...and if that isn't it......nothing is right and it's all wrong?
So without belaboring the "how to part" for too long here....here's just ONE thing that I saw immediately....that was done wrong here?
I had cut and painted strips of wood to be screwed to the wall and the board mounted to them. There is no way what you were attempting to do...could possibly turn out right....by making this fatal critical mistake......from the first step you did right here? You were doomed....from that point on....moving forward? It that was your design and your decision to start that project the way you did......then you were in the wrong 100% because everything that came after that.....was guaranteed wrong and it will just compound itself and get worse.....each step you made after that?
Why? You were attempting to make the room....fit to the pieces that you cut and measured....instead making the making the pieces....fit to the room. That's why? First and last mistake....in making a failed project right there?
I will say this another way? You were attempting....to make the room.....fit your Design.....instead of the Design.....fitting the room? First and last mistake....and everything in between equals ONE....big mistake? No one can be right...if everyone is wrong and this applies equally....to the same exact thing? Straight cross over in applying it to what you were doing or should I say.....your failed attempt? And you, me, your husband...and every other human being that has ever walked this Earth....has made that first critical error...on there initial attempts....first tme out?
In the every trade shop I have ever worked in ( including the one I owed and ran for almost ten years as owner operator ) you had apprentices, journeyman and masters as the way to designate a particular mastery or competency level in doing anything like this? And only one person gets to "teach" anything....and that is the master.
Or if you had more than one like in the one shop I ended up working in...where there were actually 3 .....Master level craftsman working together at the same time? That is the only time....under those conditions and with that level of competency ...that this statement could possibly apply as being accurate?
And straight to the point here with you? You could do something for 50 years with 50 years of experience.....and still being doing it wrong so experience or number of years someone does something...doesn't always means that they are a Master at doing it? Length of time or years of experience....does not tell you this what so ever? Master level competency means...a certain level of proficiency or proficiency qualified craftsman? Proficiency means........a high degree of competence or skill; expertise....or simply....Expert?
So...if you were to change the wording slightly.....only an Expert....gets to teach someone else how to do something or give direction and explicit instructions since....unless you are one yourself....you are just a novice or apprentice yourself? Two apprentices....trying to do something like you were attempting to do together.....is like the blind....leading the blind....and / or.....Mo and Curly ( minus Larry ) and seeing it that way instead? This is really simple to figure out and place yourself here? If you walked into my Finish Carpentry shop....looking for a job.....would you tell me you are a Master Level Expert in finish carpentry? Or would you tell me you are a novice beginner who's never done anything like this before? ( or maybe once or twice before in the past?)
I mistakenly thought that no explicit instructions were needed. As a Master finish carpenter.....which is what you two were attempting (finish carpentry)...I might make the mistake...of just assuming a couple of things that I might have forgotten to mention ( specific instructions on a couple of design features only ) whicy is not something a Master level finish carpenter could possibly know since this was not the standard...or not the standard (single design feature ) that someone just creatively wanted to integrate into a design and needed to be explicit about?
And he kept accusing me of treating him like he didn't know anything and like a child during this whole process when I would do things like suggest that he measure before he cut or use the level to make sure the ten foot long shelf will be straight (it isn't).
I might feel the same way....if Mo was my teacher? Know what I mean? I might not know how to do something well or have a lot of experience and I actually know I'm not very good....but I sure as Hell can tell if someone else doesn't know what they are doing even if I am no expert and that is actually where my pet peeve comes from with the word Designer?
Did you know a fun fact about Impressionist painters? You know Monet, Renoir, Manet, Van Gogh and Degas...just to name a few? As it is said about this style "it is an art of immediacy and movement, of candid poses and compositions, of the play of light expressed in a bright and varied use of colour."
That only tells you the Look....or the Style......it doesn't tell you how it got there or how it came to be? And there is a really interesting and fascinating story behind it so you can see what I am saying?
Everyone of those Artists....started out....exactly the same way all Artist start out? As novice apprentices...and learning their craft in the tried and true honored traditions. They learned how to sketch...and they were all Master sketch artists first? Then they learned how to Paint from their sketches...by filling in with color the same way and in the same style as everyone did at the time? And they did the same kind of realism or other known styles that had been done before them just like everyone else? So now...they are Master Artists in that respect...but they still were not famous or recognized as more....than very good, proficient Artist / Painters...and nothing more than that but...they were still at a Master level of expertise and proficiency in that respect...at the time of this History changing event occurred? No one...was doing anything like it ended with this Impressionistic art we are all so familiar with since there was no Imprissionistic Art style before one pivotal effect occurred in history?
Which means....all of these guys....could sit down and paint a portrait of anyone....given a number of sittings with a model...and over the period of days or weeks...could come up with a Masterpiece of their model and in extremely precise and accurate portrayal in a highly detailed way that looked almost "real" it was so good? Almost like looking at a photograph it was that good?
Then in France around the time all these painters ( who knew each other and were contemporaries already with years of experience already at the time the Daguerreotype French: daguerréotype) process, or daguerreotypy, was the first publicly announced photographic process, and for nearly twenty years, it was the one most commonly used. Invented by Louis-Jaques-Mandé Daguerre and introduced worldwide in 1839, was almost completely superseded by 1860 with new, less expensive processes yielding more readily viewable images.
No one...had ever seen a photograph before until that time in History? Think about it? Photographs....did not exist and no one had ever seen one before including all these Artists who happened to be French ( excpet for Van Gough but I believe he had studied or was living in France at the time? ) Ever wonder why so many of these famous Artists were French? Do you think...that French people are just born more discerning and have better taste that anyone else or are more Artistic inherently? That it's something in the wine...or everyone from Paris is somehow to be better cultured and better naturally at being good Artists and that's why all these guys became famous for their ingenuity and creativity because that's how French people are born? Like they have some corner on the market at being good wth Designing and being snootier or fashion conscious...than anyone else on the Planet? Or that a French Designed piece of clothing or bag or purse like Lois Vitton...is just better because it's French? Like there is some magic in the water in France and especially in Paris and no where else? I'll give you a clue. NO!!!!!!! LOL
In 1860....when photographs were superseded by the original stiff Daguerreotypes which were only that way because the model and had stand absolutely still and not move for almost a full minute or longer just to take the picture.....the new version that came out at that time.....allowed for what is now called.....a "snap shot" which no one uses that term anymore...because all photographs are snap shots now and that term is obsolete? But not back then. Back then....a snap shot...was a revolutionary concept that no one in history had ever seen before? If you stop for just a moment..and think about what a snap shot is? It is a frozen split second in time....on permanent record forever? The only thing...anyone in history had ever seen before...was real time video in respect...to what we see everyday with our eyes and that was it? A snap shot in time or a frozen moment in time....takes on a quality and feeling that no one had ever seen and you cannot create exactly in a painting? And these guys or Artists.....could see the hand writing on the wall you might say? They....needed to make a living...and Portrait Art...and a willingness to pay for it now with this advent...pretty much was going to put them out of business in a hurry but there was this aspect of seeing something for the first time ever...that had a quality that you can't see with the naked eye and it left an impression on you and an emotion that was immediately recognized by anyone as being something that had a feeling of real life.....compared to the real life paintings that everyone was doing in trying to create the same thing in the standard Realism type Art....everyone was use to? Ironically....less real and more stiff...than real life actual was?
So all these good drinking buddies ( true story...they hung out and drank and caroused together at the time )....set out to see if they could create a snap shot in their painting but the problem was....the time it took? To be able to do a snap shot and paint a picture at the same time....you not only had to be an extremely fast sketch Aritist...but you had to be a fast painter as well and still look good? And since they really didn't have time to sketch first and paint second...they had to sketch with the paint brush and forego that step..and fill in with color all at the same time in a matter of minutes....not days or weeks in multiple sittings? That had to do it NOW...right then and be done in less than 1/2 hour sometimes...and some of those Monet that are so famous today...he did in 15 minutes or less? Start to finish...done and out the door once the paint dried?
And no way....no how....can you copy a Monet or any of those paintings...by sitting down and trying to copy them...by following a set list of instructions and working by the numbers no matter how many times you try? It might look....similar...or something like it.....but that intangible feeling that the style creates...would be missing and it would be stiff and wooden looking?
And the only group of Artist who were that good and could pull this off? Happened to be those guys...who lived where this new invention first hit the public market? Right time, right place, right set of skills and a mountain of expertise and experience...in order to make a 15 minute painting...come out looking like a master piece? These guys were at the Top of the heap you might say...and it's only because of their expertise....that they could free form like that and come out looking as good as they did? Lots of people can do what they do in 15 minutes or 1/2 hour....but it won't look anything like that..and most likely look like Hell!!! LOL Straight up. Like I've said in the past.....you can't get there from here? ( no matter how many attempts you make if you are going about it the wrong way? There are NO SUCH things as "short cuts"....when learning how to do anything like this?
Which is why I have such a problem with the word Desinger and people ( and women mostly and I just don't know exactly why that is? ) But...the whole motivation..is to somehow raise their own status...in association with being seen as "discerning" and of "high quality taste" showing there "good taste" and "discerning personal style"....by using someone else Designs and styles to get there and just skipping the how to part....and just wanting the end product? Literally ...coming at it from the look you want to convey.....instead of getting to the look by the methods that are used?
It's the methodology...that created the design.....not the design......trying to create the methodology? Thinking you can get there that way....is impossible. Period. If you are trying to just copy a simple design and come out with something close or looks similar.....any first year Art student can take an entire semester of pain staking, excruciatingly precise and accurate step by step...paint by numbers and come up with a pretty good looking piece if they were to take their time over a number of months...with lot so do overs and lot of mistakes and having to correct and fix them as you go? But to walk in the door..and whip out a finish product with no mistakes to perfection and get the exact Look and feeling you want takes a Master level craftsman and there are no short cuts to get there? But even then....there is another level of expertise that exceeds all other as far the highest level you go possible get to? This might surprise you if you didn't know this?
It's one thing...to be excellent...in creating your craft or Art.....the hardest and most difficult challenge you can possibly do ...is being a counterfeiter? A counterfeiter not only has to be so good...that they can copy the best in their ability...but they have to be able to match another Artists style...brush stroke by brush stroke so well..that no one can tell the difference? Copying...is 500% harder....than just doing it and allowing it to come out as an expression of your own creativity which will just come out as it comes out....with no spec or even a design of your own to work from? Every single first year Art student....walks in the door with an idea or design of something they are just itching to make...before they even sign up for the a class? And then they take the entire class fighting and struggling or try and create this idea they have and then finally complete it and stand back and are rightfully proud or what they've done? And then they usually will take that home and frame it and put in on their wall for posterity sake...and show it off as to what they've done for the recognition part at the end? And say.. "See....I designed this...as it sits front center in the middle of their living room or bedroom wall?" And now....they are a Designer too....and that's all it takes to get there? I mean....everyone does this....as in ....all people because it is a very respectable and admirable accomplishment that took a lot of work and time to get there and this ends up looking really great and you are proud of what you've done. The end goal....is to be right there...to say "I am a Designer Now"....and it's mainly for the recognition..and to show others your good taste and how discerning you are as the main motivation...as if...to show case or display this outwardly...as if...everyone else will be seeing it? And then when they see it....they will go "oh.....my...you are soo discerning.... and you have so much good taste and talent and you are such so a Designer...and such an Artistic eye for quality. Such a talent. My my?? " As it that is the goal? I have to say......none of that I just made up is true that is kind of a fallacy people believe....but it's not the "real deal "...and I'm sorry if that bursts anyones bubble or hurts anyones feelings which is not my intention at all?
If I had an intention for anyone here....is to show you what the "real deal" looks like if this is your goal? In essence...the only problem with my first year Art student example...is that the goal is like first flloor......in a 22 story building but believing you are on the 22 floor when your only on the 1rst? Nothing wrong with 1rst floor....but its best to know where you are in reality wich is really the point in doing this at all? The only way I can describe this as "Aggregate"....as far as skills go? When you are at a place where you no longer have to think...and you are actually reacting under extreme amounts of control and going with the flow and your mind is free to created and think and you stop thinking anymore....that's the nest level and that is being a master at anything since what flows out of you....is never been done or seen before? That's what everyone wants.....but there are no short cuts to get there? Saying you are....is not the same and living it....in the real time in the present moment and that;s when indiviual style actually starts emerging....but there is no other way to get there except the same way anyone has ever gotten there? They are to do it naturally with a lot of practice and many attempts and lots of failure. if you want it perfect.....you need to do it imperfectly 10,000 times first....before the 10,001....will the be the first one you could hang on your wall..and call it perfect?
And that's the day....you can call yourself a Master at anything but not before that I'm afraid. No free lunch in this world ...that much is for sure?
I thought of example of a Master in this...and I came up with a good example that depicts the exact same thing I'm talking about? It's the only one I could think of that makes this same idea or concept and does this so poignantly well? It's a little over the top but that's Hollywood for you but......I had someone tell me this a long long time ago...as the definition of a Master?
"A Master is the person who can cover his mistakes so well....that no one can tell you made any?"
There is no such thing as perfection in reality....only being really good and covering your own ass and that I will take to my grave with me and stand on it.....just as said?
https://youtu.be/EqPkIgBqMCY
https://youtu.be/1Cq7hf4ylvY
J
okay then
Submitted by Almost Done on
I’m not going to respond to your every point, because frankly your post was exhausting and when copied and pasted into word it was 8 pages long.
If Mo was your teacher, I would hope that you would have enough sense to find a new teacher. I would also hope that you would have enough sense to not get defensive and angry when your partner on a project asks you to measure twice, cut once and check for level. Please tell me what I should do to become an expert in these two processes so that my husband will not blow off and blow up when it is suggested that they might be helpful.
We absolutely had the same “vision” in mind for the finished product. However, there is a huge difference in how we each arrive at the end product and how meticulous each person is in getting there. A diagram for this particular step in hanging the pegboard was not made for reasons given in my previous post.
Exactly what was my fatal critical mistake? You say that I made one, but don’t tell me what it was.
I have never once called myself a designer, and your sexist assumptions about women are frankly insulting. How do you know how I approached my project? Did you see my kitchen when we bought the house? Have you seen it after the changes we made? How are you able to be so confident in my methodology and whether or not it created the design or the design is trying to impose a methodology? How are you able to so confidently tell me what my motivation for changing elements in my kitchen was?
I don’t know where or how you got that I was attempting to make the room fit what I had cut. Every aspect of this incredibly small project considered first the space and how it is used. In the particular example, the pegboard and mounting strips were cut to the space. If the space had been a different size and shape, then the space might have been better suited for another use entirely.
Am I going to attempt to take apart my windows to rehang the window weights? No, I’m going to hire an expert. Am I going to attempt to re-plaster my ceiling because I once patched a hole in drywall? No, I’m going to hire a master plasterer. That being said, I don’t think one needs to be a master level expert craftsman to take out cabinets and hang pegboard. I take issue with your assumption that I am neither skilled nor know what I am doing in this instance. It may not be my vocation, but that doesn’t mean that I’m clueless.
I can relate!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
There is something in that type of mind (OCD??) I don't know exactly what, but they'll get a wild-haired idea for a solution, run with it, and it's "the gong show".
When you later ask, "WHY?", you will get some silly answer that addresses only 1% of need.....and ignores the 99% of other need....in your case...99% of the time, adults are showering, 1% of the time, the dog is getting bathed. And, as you noted, the dog won't be adjusting the slide bar. But, his focus was on the 1%!
I can't let H approach any problem or solve any problem without running it by me first. Yes, that sounds very control-freakish, but I can determine whether his plan is too expensive, silly, ridiculous, or just plain won't work.
For my H, I think it's partly the OCD. For example, he saw "something" on a varnished table. He started scratching it with his fingernail....making it worse. but he didn't stop....kept going...kept making it worse. If he had just shown me, I could have prevented the disaster. He was focused on the 1% the "something", and not the 99% the varnished table and what was happening to it. I liken it to someone using bleach on a red shirt to get out a stain...focusing on the stain, not thinking that the bleach will then leave a white/pink spot. In H's case, if he ruined a shirt that way, he'd just keep saying, "but I had to get that stain out"....even though there are OTHER non-bleaching cleaners that would have gotten the stain out AND preserved the shirt.
A lot of it is just plain immaturity....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
When you look at their "solutions" and how often they break and ruin things, it really does resemble those of a 3 year old. A 3 year old will run with the first idea that pops in his head. As the (normal) 3 year old ages, he's learned not to do that....he's learns as he ages to consider other possible solutions to avoid negative consequences.
However, these mentally-unhealthy people (ADHD or whatever alphabet soup the person has), are stuck in a time-warp of being a 3 year old.
This is one reason why I think "very hands on parenting" can mitigate some of this. I don't mean sheltering the child so he gets no experiences. I mean: really teaching, showing them how certain choices will have poor results, etc. Starting at a very young age, showing them how to do stuff, showing them how "not considering all the uses/possibilities" first, can lead to poor decisions.
For example...some people keep their dishes/glasses near the dishwasher, so that when they empty the dishwasher, the cabinet is nearby and it eliminates a bunch of steps. Some people choose to keep the dishes/glasses near the table to eliminate steps when setting the table. Each way has its pluses and minuses...and each household decides which is best for their situations. However, putting the glasses and dishes in some odd spot that doesn't help with either situation, is just dumb. It's like they just "zoned in" on a cabinet, put the stuff in, and then wonder why everyone is complaining.
Precisely!
Submitted by YorkshireLass on
Wow spot on! He says I'm a control freak - truly I AM NOT. I am very liberal - and I have 25 years of corporate management experience and management style testing that proves I am a consultative style manager. But with him I must be a control freak as a self defense mechanism for the bank account and my peace of mind. Its a learned behaviour as I let him run wild and paid the "iron price". I have to run interference on anything he does as he will absolutely NOT think anything through. Or he will get caught up in some OCD replay loop. Other than the floor mounted shower bar, I said I wanted a wall painted. one wall. In order to paint the wall he spent literally the entire weekend taping stuff with this green tape. Sunday afternoon he went out to get more tape. Then the game was on so that was that. I painted that g'darn wall myself, and the fireplace. I have learned, over the years, I cannot - for monetary or time reasons - let him be project manager. Our house reno was a horror show. I literally would have saved money hiring someone and it woud have take a few weeks instead of a few years --- and it owuld be done and it would be good. And I would'nt have to boil silently through his martyrdom speeches - when its HIM that insists he can do it. He goes ape if I say I want a professional in to do it. No more. I will literally swing for the bleachers before I let him near a hammer again. Sorry - what a rant!!!
Getting it dun
Submitted by jennalemone on
My son said just last night after we discussed how to get a certain job accomplished around the house. "Dad will probably build a contraption to help that is bigger than the job, won't he."
Brain Fart or Rube Goldberg?
Submitted by kellyj on
Take you're pick Jenna....it's likely to be either one! Sounds like your H (by default) is the latter. His name isn't "Rube" by any chance is it? "I'm laughing at myself here (along with admitting the same labels) if there is any question? LOL And just to throw my two bits into for clarification.....it's not for any other reason than ADHD and executive function delays or missed-connections in these moments.
"Brain fart" or "Rube Goldberg" are just code for saying the same thing.....plus it's sounds funnier. Admit it..... Farts are (generally speaking) universally funny no matter who you are? At least it takes the edge off? lol
In truth (going along with C here) from the description of the original poster of this thread.....he does sound mechanically/spacially challenged at the very least! lol This is not, in itself....a given with ADHD based on myself just to be sure. I think C will attest to that despite any other challenges he faces with his wife in other areas? (and she's a girl..ha ha)
J
but....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I would bet that C's wife doesn't have these issues because of how she was raised. She was exposed, at a young age, how to fix things, etc.
My H had no exposure. And his father was just as bad. HIs mom's answer to anything that might be broken was to buy new or getting a repair person. His parents would pay repair people to do the most mundane things that any moron should be able to do. But, at least THEY understood their limitations.
But, at least THEY understood their limitations.
Submitted by kellyj on
Bingo. That's the real problem not that people with ADHD are better or worse at doing things. Understanding your limitations or overestimating what you can do a times? Guilty as charged. lol What's common is for someone who has never done something before to underestimate just how difficult something is to do ( and make lots of mistakes at least at first) What is not so common is to think that you can do something well the first time you have ever tried or to think that just because you are good at one thing....you should be able to do something else unrelated just as well? (or at all?:)
If trying to save money is the only motivation.....that would explain it. lol Not always but many times like this....it ends up costing you more after you have to pay someone else to fix your mistake. Time is money. So is the price you have to pay in time to keep cleaning up your messes or mistake instead of using that for other things like taking care of business at home and in your relationship.
It's cheaper to buy milk at the store than it is to buy a cow to try and save a buck. lol
J
With my H it's ego....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
He doesnt' want to admit that he can't do certain "manly stuff".
One time we were looking at some investment property and I commented that I'd like to split it into a duplex. H chimed in and said that he could do it. lol...this is from someone who couldn't put a nail in a wall to hang a picture. I was like..."What? We'd need to split the living room, and build another kitchen and laundry room. H replied that he could easily to that. OMG. There is no way he could even frame the wall, much less do any of that other stuff. He's never even used power tools!
I didn't argue with him. I just moved on to another property. If I had said anything more, he would have had a total meltdown and he would have claimed that I didn't "trust" him. lol
I wonder if he would trust me if I said I could build a bridge over the Mississippi River?
Precisely!
Submitted by YorkshireLass on
OMG. I wish wish wish I took photos of some of the contraptions he's built in order to do something. He can turn a 3 hour job into weekend. So funny! So truly this IS ADHD? He is not diagnosed, but I am reading stories that could be about him!
Precisely!
Submitted by YorkshireLass on
I think that some of this
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I think that some of this could be ADHD, OCD or maybe Bi Polar. And I do think that much of this would be mitigated if at a young age, they had guidance and experiences. A child of a parent who knows how to fix things and who takes the time to show/teach their child how to do things (and lets them do stuff under supervision), will probably be less-likely to do some of these crazy things.
Our guest bathroom toilet kept "running." H said he could fix it. He spent an enormous time and got no where. I called our handyman who came over and fixed it in 5 minutes. I asked H if he watched to see how it's done. No, he didn't. Why???? Why would he not at least watch to learn?? See, if he were a child, and his father was doing this, a smart father would be either making sure the child watched, or would have had the child do the work under dad's instructions and watchful eye. H never had those experiences.
OW, many of these
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I had to laugh at the toilet one. My husband has been on a huge "we gotta save money" kick. So, he installed water saver flushing handles on our toilets. So, now instead of the "flushing" handle SAVING money, it is now somehow causing the toilets to flush on their OWN several times an hour WASTING more water and money than EVER. I don't know HOW he accomplished this, but he did. And, it's been this way for some time now. If he can install something wrong, he does. I don't understand this, but it's been a constant from day one.
Experience Is The Best Teacher ... OW
Submitted by kellyj on
I just read Dede's story of the self flushing toilets. LOL!!! And then the one you just said about the running toilet in your house. No one taught me how to do anything like this especially my own father....yet I can fix the same toilet in about 5 minutes the same as the Handy Man you hired. I could even tell you exactly how to do it....and how to avoid those problems step by step.
This did not come by any special talent mostly (outside of being naturally mechanically inclined). Even there....this would have been of no use or give me any ability to do it....if it hadn't been for the fact that I started doing things like this when I was a kid. Starting as early as I can remember? If you could have seen the amount of times I screwed things up and did them wrong....it might give you a better idea of why I can do them now without a problem? lol
But from what you just wrote there's one thing that makes no sense to me that I cannot explain as a difference between your H and myself....." I asked H if he watched to see how it's done. No, he didn't. Why???? Why would he not at least watch to learn?? See, if he were a child, and his father was doing this, a smart father would be either making sure the child watched, or would have had the child do the work under dad's instructions and watchful eye. H never had those experiences. "
My father taught me literally nothing in these areas. He was almost completely inept as I remember it. How I learned...was watching the repairmen, other fathers, and older kids and learned from them and just copied what I saw.
And to this day....if a repairman comes and does anything. I hang around and watch. Not to make sure they are doing a good job....but to learn and see how they do it....exactly the opposite of your H.
Why I did this.... I have no exact reason or idea and can't really tell you? It only makes sense to do exactly what you said.....but no one had to make me do it even as a kid...and basically taught myself with no one there to watch me do it or give me instructions especially my own father. I just wanted to learn, thought it was interesting...and then wanted to try it myself to see if I could? That's the only motivation I ever remember and the only reason why I did anything like that?
Why wouldn't you? I have no answer there?
FYI: Before I do anything that I have never done like this....even with all the skills I have....I go to You Tube since there's always someone who has a video of most anything like this and I watch that first to make sure I'm not missing something? Even knowing as much as I know in these areas. The same as I did as a kid. Nothings changed and I still do it the same way I've always done. Watch someone else do it first...and then copy them. No big secret there.
But then again.....this is my strong suit anyway. Non-physical skills that you cannot see and copy....are a different story entirely.
J