Shuts down when I try to engage/brainstorm

I need help. My husband has ADHD, and does not want medication.  So I suggested other options.  I am trying to brainstorm solutions for some of our home and life issues. We can get past the chore issue, but when it comes to his coaching and work he clams up.  He is so busy with coaching and work there is no time for me or himself.  Its created a huge health issue for him (eats fast food everyday, gained a tremendous amount of weight it hurts to walk and gets hardly more than 5hrs of sleep a night).  But when I want to understand why it takes so much time and brainstorm ways to make things easier he clams up and gets defensive. It doesn't take much.  He says that he has triggers and that he knows I am not aware of them but he won't tell me what they are.  In this case, I managed to find out he's worried I will judge him and think some aspects of his job that he spends his time on is not worthwhile/ important.  If I tell him I won't judge or suggest he brainstorm with his other head coach ( if not with me), he gets really angry and clams up. I am trying to follow the guidelines in the back of the book but I must be doing something wrong. Help.  I am losing hope.

He's not been formally diagnosed. He is just starting to realize he has it.  I have ADD too.  But I was in college when I found out and have been in treatment since.  I don't claim to have all the answers... just have had more time to figure out what works for me.  So I am super sensitive to his feelings.   But having ADD myself means its takes a ton of effort to keep things together and I can't keep going in this way (i identify with the nom-ADD spouse ).  So I am desperate to connect/ brainstorm and work on things together.  Any advice on how to break through the wall?