I am at my wits end.  I have been reading melissa's blog for 2 days now...things are so clear to me

1/2 our roof needs replacing...becuase of damage and the insurance will cover it...he wants to replace the other half, but we have no financial head space to do it...I am currently in charge and he knows the state of our finances.

DH: it will help us sell in 3 years

me: sure, but since we have more time then money at the moment, we can wait and replac e it later should we choose to.  Right now, we need to be safe with the money and make sure we have the ability to combat an emgergency (like a bad boiler).  We are a lot more stressed too, when money is super tight, so I think the new roof is a want not a need and we should not do this now

DH: just answer the question...will it help us sell in 3 years

me: yes, but since we have a long time horizon, we do not need to do it right now, and I thinkw e should be more consertative.

Dh: I just wante dto raise th eidea of a new roof and we were unable to do that

*signs out of chat session*

Back before I understood that ADD makes people impuslive with spending, I would have said "yeah ok...whatever"

but now that I see th emoney, I know we cannot really do this now..but to him, this is a catastrophic communication failure.  I have been giving myself a lot of space to forgive him for all the past issues, reading this site and peoples responses, but not feeling like I can talk to him yet about all this...

and today, I get sucked into the maelstrom and AGAIN our failure to communicate is my fault.  Now, I don't want to go home.