I'm posting here because I don't want to feel alone any more. I'd like to talk to others who feel the same feelings I do.
Feeling alone. We don't have any kids and even when she's home she's in her own little world. We can be sitting side by side on the couch and I will talk to her but she won't hear a word I say. I can ask her to do something simple like take the garbage out or put the clothes in the dryer from the washer and it won't get done because she either doesn't hear me or forgets. And it's completely impossible to have a conversation. I feel so lonely. I moved away from my friends and family to move in with her so for a while I was on my own in a new area. When I'm home it's still like I am alone. She can sit and stare at a wall for hours.
Organization. Like I said, I'm ocd. I'm also kind of a neat person. I like things to be tidy and organized. I don't like to have to trip over clothing on the floor, newspapers left over from a week ago, etc. I can't stand the sink being full of dirty dishes or the carpets full of dog hair. (We have 3 dogs). She does nothing around the house except for her own laundry. I do all the cooking, cleaning, yard work, taking care of the dogs, the cats and I work full time and volunteer in the community.
I don't think I would mind doing all the work around the house if my partner was a little more interactive. Instead when she gets home from work she complains about how tired she is and how she just wants her down time. That lasts until about 9pm when she gets some sort of radical energy streak. By then I am tired and ready to sit down and am in no mood for her energy streak.
Medication. She's been prescribed Ritalin, 20mg. She sometimes remembers to take it and is supposed to take it every 4 hours but only takes it in the morning and maybe in the afternoon but she forgets to take it all the time.
Irritability...wow. I have never met anyone that can be so snippy. She gets irritated very easily with me. Very simple things are incredible triggers to her. I walk on egg shells around someone who doesn't hear me when I talk.
Sleeping through the alarm clock. She can not get up in the morning. She had to change her schedule so it allowed her to start work later in the day because she couldn't get up early enough. She's not a morning person.
Lateness. She is late or almost late for everything. I am a very punctual person and it drives me nuts.
Selfishness. She only ever thinks of herself. If something around the house affects her, it will get done. A good example of that is her laundry. Her laundry will get done because she knows it's one thing I WILL NOT do. And if she doesn't do it...it won't get done and therefore she will be affected. If she's on her way home from work and stops for take out, she doesn't call me and ask if I want something or even just grab something and surprise me.
Intimacy. I have a problem feeling intimate with someone I have to take care of. I've had no desire for quite some time now. I've had no drive at all to be honest. No chance of straying outside of the relationship even if I did. I'm a very faithful person...and devoted. That's why I'm here, to vent this all out.
Depression and Exhaustion on my part. I am exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted. When I sit down at the end of the night it's usually on my bed...not on the couch. From the minute I get home from work it's go go go. I usually start by getting dirty dishes out of the sink and putting them in the dishwasher. Then on to feed the dogs and let them out. Then I either do laundry (mine), vacuum, mop, cook, mow the grass, clean out the litter box and the list goes on until about 9 or 10 at night. Then I go to sleep, get up at 7 and do it all over again. I'm depressed too. I cry because I am so lonely.
Is it laziness? Is she just lazy? How can you tell someone to put the clothes from the washer into the dryer as you're walking up the stairs to get in the shower, make it a point to repeat yourself at the top of the steps, get in the shower and get out to find her in front of her computer, laundry forgotten.
I'm tired. I'm lonely. I walk on egg shells so I won't irritate her. I love her with all my heart. I just need some help.