Six weeks with husband gone. What I'm learning.

My husband has been gone for six weeks.  In some ways it has been good.  In some ways not so good.  He has rented a room about 25 minutes away. I met with him today to discuss finances but it turned ugly.  He will not face anything he is doing. Honestly, I don't recognize him.  He has a swagger and an attitude about him that did not exist before.  It is a little creepy to me. He took our son's college money and spent almost all of it. In six weeks. He does not see that he has a problem.  I've tried to talk to him several times and each time it gets turned around into everything is my fault.  He said he is not coming back, ever.  He will support our son and me for now.  He wants me to hurry and get a job. I start substitute teaching in a couple of weeks. I run a small business from home.  It will take a while for me to get a permanent job as I have been out of the job market for a number of years.  Outside of worrying about what this is doing to my son, I worry about finances the most.  I cannot maintain our home on my own. I will have to, at some point, rent out a room. 

The good things I've learned are that I am stronger than I thought I was.  I can get through a lot. I haven't stayed in bed with the covers over my head, like I thought I would. I've been through the death of my mother and my husband leaving in the last 7 months and I'm still here.  There is peace in our household.  I have no problem with my son. He is such a good young man (he's 15).  I had wondered for a while if he has ADHD but I don't see the same symptoms present now. I think it was the influence of his dad. He sees his dad 2-3 times a week but isn't with him as much. I clearly see now how and where ADHD was affecting our marriage.  The stress over finances is still there because I am relying on his pay at this point, but all other things are gone. He is not starting projects and not finishing them.  He's not coming home from work and ignoring the fact that I am present in the room with him. He is not leaving the front door open, cabinet doors open, piles of messes everywhere. I don't feel responsible for saving him from himself.  He will have to take care of himself or live with the consequences.  I don't feel hated in my own home.  That is a relief.  I am leaning a lot on God.  My faith keeps me going.