Last night in couples therapy, the therapist pointed out that my wife has fallen asleep several times during the sessions and expressed concern 1) that she was not getting enough sleep and 2) that she could not stay present.
Trying to be supportive and helpful, I reminded my wife that her mother has sleep apnea. Real, diagnosed sleep apnea. She uses a breathing machine to sleep. I also pointed out that she snores loudly, a symptom that could be related to sleep apnea.
My wife became angry and acted in the same manner she does when she rejects the idea that she has ADHD. Now I wanted her to see a doctor about something else?? How dare I! Oh, and I snore too, and she does not complain about that! I was honestly trying to help.
To top it all off, she also used the ADHD "get out of jail free" card to explain why she had exploded at me for suggesting that she might have sleep apnea. She also admitted that she has yet to contact the psychiatrist with ADHD experience that I found. So she doesn't want to acknowledge ADHD EXCEPT when doing so gives her retroactive justification for abusive behavior.
Disclosure--In the past, I have sometimes resisted seeing a doctor about problems. I certainly learned my lesson, though, after putting up with excruciating pain for almost a year without realizing that it was a rotator cuff problem. When the second arm started giving me problems, I went straight to the orthopedist. Also, a neurologist suggested our daughter might be on the autistic spectrum. In the past, people have suggested to me that I might have what was then called Asperger's Syndrome. I acknowledge taht some of the symptoms fit--like having no clue about relationships when I was in high school and college and hating small talk, for example. One of the first things I did upon hearing that she might be on the spectrum was to try to investigate my own past. I remember having speech correction and motor skills therapy when I was young--maybe first grade? I wrote to the school to try to find out more about what I was treated for and why, but they said the records were destroyed. I can't ask my parents becuase 1) they are both dead and 2) they were extremely resistant to discussing such things. The only time I remember my parents bringing it up was in relation to video games when I was a teenager--he commented on how the therapists at the school would never have believed I would have such good hand-eye coordination as I demonstrated by playing the games.