I have ADHD, diagnosed for over 10 years. I take medication - I also have lupus. These two things combined along with my general inability to fix anything are destroying my marriage. My husband is tired of me - and rightfully so. We are living apart for the 2nd time, after being married 5 years. We have 6 children between us, but none together. I can't get it together. He is tired of waiting for me to change. Tired of my lack of follow through. Tired. I'm not suicidal, but I'm pretty damn close. I don't want to live this chaotic life, but I don't know how to fix it. We don't have the money for a coach, and our insurance doesn't cover it. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how to swim. I'm a smart woman - full scholarship to law school and great hyperfocus at times. But I don't know how to be a wife, at least now the way my husband wants and deserves. All I do is disappoint him (and myself).
I wish I was "normal", or at least understood normal, whatever that is. I didn't even know I could feel this sad. I'm not even sure why I'm posting, except that I can't just keep crying. Maybe it is time to just get divorced and be alone. I don't know anymore.