I have been married to a good man for almost 23 years. He has ADHD but doesn't medicate for it and wont. We are having difficulties communicating, and it is most often the fact that if I ask him a question, he insists that I am asking so I can call him a failure. He is an always/never kiND of guy. He says he knows exactly what I am thinking, when he is waaaay off. But then he turns in to a bully to the point where I can't defend my own words and he walks away mad and doesn't speak to me for hours. I worry about our finances a lot...because it seems that I always need to worry about something. I guess by reading some of your posts here, my worrying causes him to go into auto bully mode because the only thing he says to me is that, "you are only asking me because you want to know when I am gonna fail."
I have never ever called him a failure. He is a man of many talents. BUT, he comes up with ideas for gardening or landscaping on a whim. He goes to Lowe's and spends a lot of money on all sorts of things that he needs, and then the stuff stays in bags sometimes for weeks. Or he will start on a project and leave it half done...while going out to drop more money on stuff for a different project. I dont know how to be communicative or supportive here because if I ask him what he is doing or planning, he gets really angry with me and says, "never mind ...I will just screw it up anyway..." or something to make me feel like a real bad person.
I am glad I stumbled upon this site and although I appreciate that everyone is different, every time he goes to Lowe's, I just get sick inside...and the money worries never let up. And the communication never is pleasant. Thanks for listening.