So much in love with him but confused,, and feeling a bit betrayed.

I started dating with my ADHD partner 1.5 years ago and got engaged last year. (He gets treatment and is on medication)

I am originally from japan and met him while i was working in australia (2006-2011). we`ve been friend for 4 years before started dating.

I knew from the start that he has ADHD. sure had to deal with a little bit of his mood swings,depression,easy to forget some arrangement etc.. but everything was so perfect. this guy is the most good thing ever happened in my life.

then last year on Nov, i had to leave Australia due to my visa conditions. (so now we are in LDR too..;( ) he proposed me 2 weeks before i was leaving australia.

everything seemed working between us last couple of months even we are miles apart from each other. We talked on the phone quite often, sms,skype...etc.

he was planing to come and meet my family here in japan.

We were talking about what we are going to do , what kind of steps to take for us to be together again. and we made some list to follow or what need to be done.

(we need to apply for a visa together for me to back in aus. lota paper/document work,,)
 

then,, he suddenly become a little bit of distance. no response for 1-3 weeks, won`t pick up phones...(it happened before but this time was three weeks so i started very worry)

He finally contacted me yesterday after 3 weeks of `disappearance`. and said ` I love you and i want to be with you, but i don`t know what to do anymore.i don`t know how to roll everything to be with you`

I was kind of shocked and confused. because we made LIST that we can follow up, i remind him/ask him to do. but seems like he has no idea what to do next?

I know that this act of `forgetness` is a common for ADHD person.. i don`t know what i can do anymore either :(

Hang in There

I don't think it's forgetfulness so much as mind paralysis. I think some ADHD people get so overwhelmed with what they need to do, they just shut down. It doesn't seem that his behavior is any reflection on you or your relationship with him. Even though you have a plan in place, carrying it can be difficult for ADHD people.

My ADHD husband, for example, used to be a police officer. He got fired (essentially) and has been miserable ever since (nearly 4 years). At times, he gets bursts of energy and accomplishes the things he needs to do in order to get re-hired somewhere. But then he'll go through weeks of doing nothing. It's so hard for a non-ADHDer such as myself to comprehend that shut down. When I want something, I move Heaven and Earth to get it. I searched for well over a year for a new job; I scoured in the internet for job postings, was constantly sending applications and resumes, fielded interviews, but didn't land a job. I was so frustrated! My husband would have never done something like that. Filling out a simple job application takes him more than hour (if not more). He's not stupid, but he has to turn the noise off in his head and concentrate, which can be near impossible some times.

I don't know much about getting visas and things like that, but I would suggest that you do the things on the list that you can do on your own, and stay behind him to do the things he needs to do. If he continues to stall and/or disappear, then maybe you do need back off a bit to make sure the relationship is stable before you move countries to be with him. Can you visit him or can he visit you? Spending face time together is SO important when ADHD is involved. I too had a LDR with my husband before we were married. If you're not in immediate range of a ADHDer, then you get shifted to a lower priority. Once again, it's usually not a reflection on your or how he may feel about you, it's just that he can't focus on the things aren't immediately demanding his attention.

Good luck to you...hope everything works out for the best.