Today was just one of those bad days. I've been having some problems with my DH lately with communication, basically how I see it from my side is that he doesn't listen to me. And he seriously doesn't. He's on some kind of autopilot that makes him register half of what I say and then I end up having to repeat things about 3 times. This has been building up my frustration and even though I am trying so incredibly hard to control myself, to sound positive, to be nice it is causing huge problems.
I have been taking stimulants for my ADD for about 3 months now and they are no picnic. My DH does not understand what the medication does to me, even though I clearly tell him as it has a huge impact on my life. I am constantly nauseated and every time the medicine goes in or out of my body I become uneasy and really easy to build up anxiety. The worst thing about it though is how he doesn't.. really.. care? How come he isn't asking? I don't know, who knows.
Anyway.. today I washed our bed sheets, this is something I do once a week as I am very paranoid about dust and bedbugs. It is kind of my thing so as oppose to most ADD people I clean a lot. But the weather here is really bad right now, even though the sun is out the laundry dries very unpredictably and there is no real possibility for me to hang our laundry indoors, I completely have to depend on the weather and sometimes things turn out like the did today - by 11 pm the sheets are still not completely dry. They are a little damp and will need an hour in our living room with the AC to dry up completely. Before they do I can't make our bed, we do have spare sheets that I could put in instead but it's only 11 pm and us waiting one hour is not going to kill us.
But we've been arguing a little bit over the evening, not fighting at all but it's been a little tension in the air because of mentioned problems, he doesn't listen and it's is seriously driving me insane. Soon I don't know what to do, what if I hurt him? Of course I know that I never will but you understand the frustration I am trying to express. Doesn't matter if I stand in the middle of the room screaming and crying he doesn't acknowledge me. Anyway, by the time we come home from eating dinner outside we are still discussing. Basically we're trying to straighten out the misunderstandings we had right before dinner and during. My DH is available for these kind of discussions and very interested in solving things right away in a calm grown-up manner but as he lately hasn't been listening this is seriously just a waste of breath for me.
He wanted to go and lay down on the bed and I got him a blanket from the living room as I don't want him to use our comforters without sheets on them, now he starts mutter and this is where my point is with this post, I AM SO TIRED OF THIS ADD BULLSHIT HE PULLS ON ME. I HAVE ADD. YES. BUT THAT IS NOT WHY THE SHEETS AREN'T DRY. MY ADD DOES NOT AFFECT THE WEATHER, I AM SORRY. Still he goes "why didn't you wash the sheets sooner, hmph". He was not picking a fight and I know he was tired and grumpy plus he had two glasses of wine on an empty, sensitive stomach so he was a little tipsy (not a lot but enough to count it in here) but I've just about had it with these remarks.
Not everything is my ADD. Some things are normal human related things. Some things are because of other people and circumstances. Some things are... you know... NATURE?
I'm just tired of getting to hear all these comments and remarks and getting all these lectures for things that I know wasn't because of my ADD. Why do I have to get picked on ALL THE TIME?
He doesn't care about how I am suffering with the medication. How I suffer with us. How we are clearly having communication problems due to how we use our time. I have suggested we go to couple's therapy but he doesn't really want to. And I ask him, "why do we have to be on the verge of getting divorced for you to agree to therapy?". I don't see anything wrong in dealing with a problem in a very early stage so that it doesn't become THE problem.
I'm just so sad right now.