So most days most of us do okay with the lack of support or emotional connection in our marriages, or at least we have made our peace with it. But then there are days where you think you are keeping all the balls in the air and one comes CRASHING down and you realize just how alone you are even when there is another supposed adult in the house. That was my day today. Four weeks ago I had back surgery. It went great and I feel terrific. The bill came in the mail. Thank GOD for our terrific insurance (from my job) because the entire thing was $20,000 and we only owe $1900. Now, understand I still can't just write a check for $1900 but it beats the heck out of the $20K. So that is on my mind. My two teen boys went back to school yesterday. I went back today--so there are those moving pieces. DH was out of town all last week and yesterday and today. I am an Assistant Principal, so I was at school every moment of the past two weeks getting ready for teacher meetings, hiring new teachers--we hired two on FRIDAY for goodness sake, and they need help and support to get started. So that has to be done. I also teach 4 classes, so that planning has to be done. My oldest son, age 17, sees a counselor for addiction (he OD'd in January and was in rehab for 6 weeks). He sees the counselor every two weeks. It costs $175 for each appointment and it is NOT covered by our insurance. I have a google calendar that all 4 of us are on plus a white board calendar in the kitchen. The last two counselor appointments, DS drove himself to--two weeks ago I had an evening school meeting and DH was out of town. Two weeks before that was the day after my surgery and DH was out of town. Tonight DS texts me at 7pm from his work that he thinks he has an appointment tonight but he is at work and can't go. Sure enough--he had the appointment, but he had not put it on any calendar or told me about it and so I am charged the $175. And down comes one of the many balls in the air. I really cannot afford to pay that kind of money for nothing. Bad enough I pay it at all, but at least DS gets something out of it. And DH is out of town. So all of this is on me. Like always, but today it got to me. I called the counselor and tried to explain and he was having none of it AND he does not send confirmations--not his policy. Gee thanks--way to help out busy families. And we have marriage counseling on Saturday and I don't even know what I would say because DH always blames whatever I have to say on the stress of my job. Which cracks me up because I LOVE my job. It is my dream job. My principal is terrific to work for, we have a great staff this year, we hired some terrific teachers, I like my students. I am actually good at my job. People respect my 15 years of experience and 3 degrees at my job. My job is not stressful. My job is rewarding. I love my job and I am good at my job. How can two people have such completely different experiences of the same thing? I think this marriage royally sucks and DH thinks it's fine.
So that was my rant. The financial stuff worries me no end. DH does not worry about anything as far as I can tell. Last week we got a $980 bill for something else that DH didn't know about and he just left if for me--didn't even ask what it was or why we had that amount for that bill. How strange is that. I would be at least a teeny bit curious. The missed appointment and money wasted really made me feel deflated and defeated. We have so much debt already, it just kills me to see that much go out the door for nothing.