So what do I DO when he blows?

Hi all.  I'm just feeling so frustrated.  I'm aware of all the symptoms.  I know my spouse has ADHD.  I know his anger is a problem in our marriage and has slowly chipped away at our relationship.  He was just diagnosed in the Spring and he's trying meds but they do NOTHING for his frustration tolerance.  We go for days/weeks with no incident.  And then WHAMMO, I (usually the trigger) say something that sets him off.  And there isn't just anger.  There's sarcastic anger, which is all the more insidious.  After years of this kind of thing repeating itself, I find it hard to look him in the eyes.  Or reaching out to hold his hand.  When he blows up I feel like an injured animal.  It takes days for me to 'come back.'  I shut down and clam up just to keep things peaceful, so I end up festering.  But this is all wrong.  I don't know how to change it.  I just feel it and do it automatically because I don't know what else to do.  Telling him how I feel, even if I wait for the 'storm' to pass is useless.  He KNOWS how I feel.  He feels bad about his behavior.  Yet, he has trouble catching himself before he blows.  And I don't know how much longer I can ride this coaster.  So, folks, WHAT ELSE should I do???  When he loses it unnecessarily?  When I get that biting sarcasm?  When any words that fall from my mouth make the situation worse?  When he apologizes and I just can't accept it because I feel so hurt?  What HELPS for others out there???