So, when is it too much?

So my bf of 2 and a half years has adhd. We have had some problems involving relationship intensity. Additionally he goes through things like anxiety, depression, and distraction that he says is because adhd. other than that though i can see myself possibly marrying this guy one day. the only thing is, when is blaming problems on adhd too much? what should be the line that i draw concerning unacceptable behavior with or without adhd? and also, is it ever okay to break up with someone because they have adhd? i don't want to be insensitive to his needs but i don't want him to be able to blame adhd for all of our problems. advice would be greatly appreciated 

Hi.  I'm sorry you haven't

Hi.  I'm sorry you haven't gotten responses.  I've been married 28 years.  My husband's whatever (I say that because I don't know what the cause of his dysfunctional behavior is; he might have ADHD; he might have anxiety and depression) has gotten worse, not better over the years.  He takes medications but has done very little to deal with the ADHD (or, again, whatever it is) since diagnosis.  My belief is that if a person is sincerely working on treating ADHD symptoms and changing bad behaviors, there is hope.  If the person isn't or refuses to, it's probably best to get out of the relationship.


I agree with Rosered,if he does nothing to help his ADHD then it's better to get out of that relationship,things have only gotten worse for me because my husband refuses to do anything about his and it's been only stress after stress all the time...



IMO, unacceptable behavior is

IMO, unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior, no matter what.  Knowing he has ADHD and that he's working on it may give you a reason to give him an extra chance or 12, but in the end - actions speak louder than words.  "Blaming" it on ADHD and then not doing anything to change it is going to be a recipe for unhappiness for you.