I am new to this site,but was glad to find it.
I am looking for any suggestions as I am feeling at the end of my rope.I have been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half.This ADD thing is new to me and with my boyfriend having it,I can totally relate to these blogs,what the books say,etc.We struggle with his anger,forgetting things and socially he is embarrasing me.
He is not on any form of medication first off.Nothing.I think that is our first problem..so no wonder.We are waiting for his insurance at work to kick in and then he said he would try something.So I am holding my breath for that hoping it will help.I have been told to wait until he gets insurance before getting the meds otherwise it will be considered pre-existing,etc.We have worked on the ADD workbook,but he forgets what he read.Is medication the ticket to this disability?
The anger issues are from out of nowhere.He will wake up mad at the world,go off about things that normally a person wouldn't get upset about and blames a lot of things on everyone else.However,give him a half hour to cool off and he comes back apologizing and says he knows he has some things he needs to work on and will try to change.
The memory thing.Last month,he forgot to look at his gas tank and ran out of gas twice in a month and I had to drive 15 miles to give him gas on the interstate and was late for work.He mistakingly has taken my keys with him to work a handful of times while moving my car out of the way.He forgot the cat in the garage over night with poisons,gas fumes,etc for the cat to get into.He has lost his credit cards,keys,sunglasses,left our cooler with belongings at the lake,etc,etc,etc!! Some of these things all happened within 12 hours!
So here I am thinking...if this guy can't take care of himself...how is he going to take care of our kids someday??What if he forgets the kid in the car on a hot day to get groceries??What if he forgets to pick up the kid from daycare??I am concerned for the safety of a child! So does medication help with helping to remember this stuff?
This ADD thing is tolerable until it starts affecting me,my work,our house,his work...basically things that will mean the demise of a family life and all that goes with it.It is so exhausting,frustrating to be in this relationship.Then when I ask him about why couldn't you remember to do..whatever...he gets mad at me and says..."Well if you didn't pack so much stuff...Well you need to help me to remember!!"(Babysitting!! Is it not?) It certainly looses the attractiveness in the relationship real quick.You feel like a parent.
Then there is the social issue.God forgive me for saying this...but I am getting to the point I am ashamed of his actions so much around family and friends that I try to avoid it.Either not see them as much or him not be around,etc.I get tired of the "looks" from people.The huh?? He says things that are not socially appropriate,talks about contraversial subjects,goes on and on and doesn't stop talking,gives people a blank look when they try to be sarcastic with him,gets tired a lot and will fall asleep during movies with couples,etc. It is embarrasing.People have actually asked me what is wrong with him...they say..."Something is not right with him,but I cannot put my finger on it."
So how do I handle this part of it?Do I outwardly tell people,"Well that is because he has ADD?" How have any of you dealt with this?People can tell that he is slow,etc and is this more of me having the problem and just not worry about what others think or??
Thank you for any advice..I am not afraid to hear whatever you have to say,I am desperate!!