After reading several posts last night, it occurred to me that I need to plan strategies to help myself deal in a positive and healthy way with some of my husband's ADD behaviors. He's not going to change, so I have to figure out how to behave in certain situations instead of getting plugged in and being angry or playing his mother.
Yesterday, I went into his business to do some paperwork. One of his accounts, who is also a good friend, showed up to consult on some work. My husband was in a rebellious, mouthy, but playful mood. He made several pretty blunt comments about this man, but when I called him on it, he said he was "just being a guy." (I hear this excuse a lot.) He continued making comments, and I got in his face and did the "Mom's telling you to stop now" routine, which didn't work. He was getting a lot of attention from everyone in the room, and he feeds on that energy. I realize now that I probably should have just ignored the conversation and gone on with my work. If anyone sees another way for me to deal with this issue, I'd appreciate comments.
Another social issue is when we're with friends. He doesn't pay attention to social cues, loves to monologue, and will do the majority of talking in any group. I find it embarrassing that he's so unaware of other people, doesn't seem to care what's going on in their lives, and doesn't hear himself interrupting people over and over. I've tried waiting for a brief lapse in his talking to ask one of our friends a question about their lives, kids, or jobs, but my husband will cut in and continue to dominate the conversation. And when I try to talk, I am always cut off very quickly. He won't let me say much of anything. It's to a point where I don't want to make plans with our friends, because I don't have a good time listening to him talk all night long.
I've tried asking him before the event to be aware of other people and how much he talks, and he promises to do so, but it never holds. I've tried nudging him under the table, but it doesn't slow him down for long. I've tried walking away to use the restroom, to give myself a break, but he goes on. I often end up getting angry and frustrated and then saying something mean about him, which I later regret. If anyone has come up with a way of dealing with this behavior, I'd appreciate hearing about it.