Something I like about my suspected ADD husband

I have to preface this by saying my husband has never been officially diagnosed with this.  It's me who has been looking into it because I thought our marriage sounded just like what Melissa was describing when she was promoting her book.  The more I have been reading though the more I think he has ADD but things aren't too bad with us so I am not pushing him to do anything about this.  I think we are able to get along pretty well because I have a good job and there are just the two of us - no kids to be responsible for.  So he does things that drive me nuts sometimes (like today when he went outside to do yard work and left the door open with the furnace running) but he also makes my life fun, interesting and exciting which is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place.  I recently had a business meeting in Europe and since he is experiencing another stint of unemployment he was free to go with me - which has never been the case in the past.  He's so adventurous and unafraid to try things - unlike me.  So thanks to him after my meeting we were able to rent a car and drive around to all kinds of fantastic out of the way places - like through the mountains and down streets too narrow for the car in wonderful small towns along the Mediterranean coast.  We couldn't find our out of the way, tiny, historic hotel - no problem - he drove around until he found it.  Couldn't speak the language?  No problem - somehow he communicates with people even though they don't speak the same language (not the first time either).   It was all beautiful and perfect and exactly what I wanted to be able to do - and I would not have done it had it not been for him.  I try to remind myself of the fun, interesting, adventurous experiences he has brought to my life whenever the other stuff is getting on my nerves.  Overall I think I'm very fortunate that I feel the good far outweighs the bad.

fuzzylogic72's picture

positive

Thanks for your positive story; I was considering not checking in on this site anymore as the last 20 posts I have read have all been full-on bashing the adhd partner. It's nice to hear the odd bit of positive.

Agree: nice to hear

There are several similarities between us so I am a bit less alone today because of your post. 

One of the reasons I was first attracted to my husband was his ability to "be in the moment," as I am more of the cautious planner type.   Little did I know that it was serious impulsiveness!  Only in recent years did the emotional responses of ADHD become recognizable as ADHD to a person like me who knew nothing of it.  But we do have great fun together at times being outdoors and travelling to new places as we both have a pretty good size case of wanderlust.   As you say there are other things that aren't so great, but I'm appreciative of our compatibility and how adventurous I've become as a result. 

He often says we don't have anything in common anymore, but I remind him of these good times we can still have as well.

Hermie - ya, one of my great

Hermie - ya, one of my great concerns that caused me to look into this whole ADHD thing is that we seem to be drifting apart - each going our own separate ways, doing our own separate things, seeming to have less and less in common.   This is what I brought up to him initially when I told him I wanted to learn more about AD(H)D - because I didn't want us to continue to drift apart.  He was on board with the whole idea of me investigating and I do think things have been better since I first raised the issue. We are both more conscious of it and trying not to be so separate.  I've found we seem to both have a really great time when we go somewhere new - just the two of us.   Lately we've been talking about just doing some new things in our own area - getting out and exploring - since you can't be going on a major trip/vacation all the time.

Traveling is one of the best things my bf and I do

My boyfriend has ADHD, and on of the things I like to do best with him is travel. We are broke and in college so, my natural instinct is to say that we should wait until we're at a better place in our lives. He hasn't let me get away with that! We have made many trips, and we've gone to places I never would have. The other day all of his relatives were staying at his parents house, where we were planning on staying, too. My bf decided the house was, too, crowded so he drove us to the neighboring town and got us a hotel suite. It was like a romantic getaway just minutes away. I loved it!

Traveling

While I love to travel, it's definitely harder with my add guy.  He is so distractable when there are lots of new and shiny things to look at, so it's hard just to get him to board a plane (no, just a few more minutes in this here bookstore) and stick to any sort of itinerary (even if it isn't very strict).  His driving isn't good in the first place and in a new area it's horrible, so I usually drive, at least while we're getting used to the place.  

So while I love to travel and to spend time with him, vacations can be stressful (although I try really hard not to let them be).

And yesterday he washed a

And yesterday he washed a load of bath towels - completely unprompted.  He just recognized that the towels needed to be washed.  He has never washed any kind of towels or linens without being asked - if even then.  I was shocked and thrilled!  Amazing what kind of little thing like this is a thrill and I did of course let him know how happy I was about this.  He was also happy I didn't harp on him that he'd left the wheelbarrow out - which he did because he wasn't done using it.  I do sometimes harp on things being left all over the place.  So all in all a day of mutual happiness which is nice.

fuzzylogic72's picture

Thank you and farewell.

I just wanted to leave a post on this forum for all of you who had something positive to say. Those words had more impact on me than you can imagine, but I'm so overwhelmed with the victim-mentality and bitterness towards adhd partners on here (not you guys). I left my main post on one of the other forums which, as most of these forums do, bash the adhd (usually male) partner. I'm leaving this site feeling thankful for the good things you guys have said, but primarily feeling hurt and discouraged by all of the horrible things I've heard the 'normals' say about their partners.

I wish you the best, because I truly believe that SOME of the people on here, as well as SOME adhders really ARE trying to find solutions, and those people are rare, special, and truly do deserve the best that a relationship with another human being has to offer.

Charlie