We are in financial tight straights at retirement. dh pays for a warehouse/shop at $6,000/yr. He is not making a profit anymore with it. The majority of the space is storing junk that he doesn't want to see or cope with so he keeps paying the rent instead of clearing it out. He has taken money out of his small retirement fund to pay for some of this and some other business debt. I told him to cut the warehouse footage in half at least and get the junk out so he could pay half the rent for it. He said he would make a call. I said to schedule it right now (because he has been putting this off for YEARS telling me he was taking care of it). He said he would call in the car later. I said to call now while I was there. Finally after much back and forth, he called and made the arrangements. While he was talking, he said he would get it ready to dump things to the guy on the phone. I said softly, maybe they could help you do some lifting. (We are talking TONS of metal and retirement age man) When he was done with the call he looked at me with hate and called me names, loudly, saying I was rude and thoughtless for talking while he was on the phone. He doesn't take ownership that he, for YEARS, has been rude and thoughtless for letting our retirement years be filled with worry financially. DON"T pamper your ADDer so much that he loses reality about what he contributes and what you have contributed. If I am nice and helpful to dh, he takes it for a sign that he can "get away with" doing even less figuring he has "the upper hand" because he thinks he WON. I like to be nice. But that has not worked for me. dh doesn't play "nice". As I look back this was doomed. I was nice and was used to cooperating and being open. He was playing games of winner/loser. I have been the loser BECAUSE I was nice.